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Announcing the Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret!
Submitted by mens_issues on Sun, 2007-04-01 19:07
It seems that our friend in The Patriarchy, Thomas Fullery, has now declared most of the southwestern United States as part of a new Patriarchal nation, to be known as the Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret.
The announcement follows:
Announcing the Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret!
As of today, April 1, 2007, I declare the formation of the Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret. The boundaries as such shall be those of the original Mormon State of Deseret from 1849 to 1850.
For more information on that earlier state, kindly go to:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_of_Deseret
This republic's boundaries will, of course, need to be modified so as not to overlap with the great Republic of Cascadia, one of our future trading partners.
Yes, I was inspired by the original provisional and short-lived State of Deseret to create a new republic in which The Patriarchy may thrive. The capital of this new republic shall be my home town of Polygyny, which is conveniently located in the middle of the nation somewhere in southwestern Utah where you would expect such a place to exist.
I shall add that this great republic shall be under the wise direction and counsel of our Grand Chief Poohbah Patriarch, Plutius Maximus III, located in Patriarch's City in Rome!
I have, of course, appointed myself as the ruler of this new republic until a transition to democracy can take effect. It shall be a future nation of Tom Fullerys!
I will get around to appointing my own legislature, and then we can get on with the business of creating our own constitution. Two good men have already stepped up to the challenge. One of these is Mister Wonderful, my new Minister of Disinformation and Reeducation. The other is Karl E. Llewellyn, my new Minister of Defense.
"HAIL to The Patriarchy!"
Your loyal and humble leader,
Sir Thomas Richard Jacob Fullery the Younger, founder of the Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret, and supreme ruler of all beasts of the fields and vegetation of the land and fishes of the waters within its boundaries, and vanquisher of feminism therein.
(Above is the new formal title which I have taken)
P.S. My daughter April was particularly pleased to be part of the supreme family. Her full name is, of course, April Fullery.
Keep up with the latest happenings in The Patriarchy and the Patriarchal Nation of New Deseret by going to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ThePatriarchy
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Ed. note: Who says MRAs have no sense of humor? Happy April Fool's, all!
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Ha, Ha,
God, I had April Fools Day!
Thomas Fullery?.....Really!
The nation reacts
Thomas Fullery delares a new Patriarchal Republic in the Desert
POLYGYNY, UT (Reuters) Thomas Fullery, the self declared supreme leader of the Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret, has received mixed reactions to the creation of his new nation, which became independent on April 1, according to him.
President George Bush stated "At first I was stunned that someone could just declare a large portion of the southwestern United States as a new nation. However, when I realized that this would be a Patriarchal nation that opposed feminism, I was all for it. Anything that annoys NOW is fine with me in my book."
Bush continued his support for the new nation by saying "The United States welcomes the Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret as a new ally and trading partner. We will aid this new country's transition to democracy with a $500 billion spending package designed to improve its infrastructure."
Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (D, CA) was surpisingly in favor of the new nation as well. "At first I was appalled at the announcement by Thomas Fullery that he has simply created a new nation of his own, particularly a Patriarchal one. However, when I realized that this nation takes up land that used to belong to mostly red [Republican] states, I realized that the 2008 election would be in the bag for Democrats. Good going Thomas Fullery!"
Senator Hillary Clinton (D, NY) concurred. "This has to be some of the best news I've heard in years. With the loss of several electoral votes in red states, the next President is bound to be a Democrat. Hopefully, that Democrat will be me!"
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D, NV) was not quite as
thrilled. "What is going on here? Has the President and most of Congress gone mad like Thomas Fullery? The Patriarchal Republic of New Deseret will be the end of my home state of Nevada as we know it. Besides, I won't get to be Senate Majority Leader anymore."
Utah Governor Jon M. Huntsman, Jr. said "Thomas Fullery can't just come along and declare the capital of a new nation in the corner of my state. Why isn't President Bush and Congress opposing this madman? I urge the governors of all states affected by this announcement to resist recognizing the Patriarchal Republic of New
Deseret."
Meanwhile President Bush has authorized the construction of a new major airport in the town of Polygyny so that he can land Air Force One there for a meeting with Thomas Fullery.