My Husband Is Too Much of a Feminist When It Comes to Raising Our Daughters.

Article here. Excerpt:

'My husband of 15 years has had a pretty hard time with not having great men in his life. His father used to hit him, his siblings, and his mother. His sister and her toddler were killed by her boyfriend. And his high school girlfriend killed herself after admitting to my husband that her grandfather had been raping her for years. When we first met, I loved dating a man who was so involved in women’s issues but now I feel it is too much. I’m a woman who has had great male role models in my life, my dad, my brother, my uncle, my teachers, my granddads, etc. I know how amazing men are and how much good they can do.

Our two girls are currently enrolled in a single-gender private school ($20,000 a year each) while our boys are enrolled in our local public school (we live in a great area and the public school is state of the art, I would be happy to send all four kids there). So my husband is spending $40,000 a year on private school. Then on top of that is sports. Our husband won’t let the boys play sports. He says all-boy sports clubs are a cesspool of bad behavior. So our sons do piano lessons, after-school dance lessons (ballet and jazz), and art club—just like our daughters. Our daughters picked them and now they all do it. The boys don’t seem to really mind the art, music, and dance lessons, but I would love them to be given free choice like the girls.
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A: Your husband has seen a lot of really awful stuff and is coming from a good place. But as much as he’s thought about the kind of man he wants to be, how has he missed how controlling and domineering he’s being as he single-handedly makes decisions for the family, without the input of his wife? Modeling this dynamic for your children is reinforcing the patriarchy much more than, say, soccer lessons would. A great way to reject traditional masculinity would be to…wait for it…listen to the views of the woman who should be leading the family along with him. Tell him that. Also please urge him to do less research and more therapy. He’s dealt with many painful experiences, and it would be better for everyone if he could heal to a point where he is excited about the possibilities of raising wonderful sons rather than terrified of raising bad ones.'