The Silent Marjoity: DV Against Men And Boys

Domestic violence and abuse are not committed only by men as is popularly believed. In fact, men and women abuse each other with almost equal frequency.[1] You've probably heard the statistic that claims a woman is abused by her spouse every 15 seconds. What you may not know is that the same study also found that a man is abused by his spouse every 14 seconds.[2]

Surprising Facts on Domestic Violence and Child Abuse

Until society recognizes and accepts the fact that women can and do commit domestic violence, the problem of domestic violence will never be addressed and a "solution" will never be found. Domestic violence is a societal phenomenon that is not gender-specific. To deny this fact is unrealistic, biased, and shortsighted.

Facts You Probably Haven't Heard:

More than half of all 'severe' domestic violence is committed by women against their husbands or boyfriends. [1]



Extrapolating from a 1985 survey of more than six thousand couples, the authors estimate that 1.8 million females are the victims of severe domestic violence each year (with injuries suffered by one in ten), but so were about 2.1 million men. [2]



A random survey of 2,143 American homes uncovered the fact that severe abuse was committed equally by men and women. [3]



One study of inner city child abuse found that 49% of all child abuse is committed by single parent mothers. [4]



Natural mothers are the perpetrators of:

• 93% of physical neglect of children
  
• 86% of educational neglect
  
• 78% of emotional neglect
  
• 60% of physical abuse, and
  
• 55% of emotional abuse [5]
  

A Bureau of Justice report found that Mothers (55%) are more likely than fathers (45%) to murder their children. [6]



According to the government's own figures, females kill 31 times as many children as natural fathers. [7]



Females comprise 78% of the perpetrators of fatal child abuse (child murder). [8]

As disturbing as these statistics are, even more disturbing is the fact that they are virtually unknown. Only recently has any attention at all been focused on the issue of female batterers.



As psychologist Judith Shervin writes, "Women must share responsibility for their behavior and contributions to domestic violence."



These contributions are far bigger than feminists and the media are willing to admit.



Dr. Martin Fiebert, (1997) professor of Psychology at the California State University of Long Beach, listed 94 empirical studies that support the position that men and women are assaulting their intimate partners at nearly the same rate. When all the evidence is weighed, the only reasonable conclusion is that men and women commit spousal abuse against each other at nearly equal rates. [9]

Are you a victim?

Some indications that you are the victim of abuse include:

• A feeling that you are walking on eggshells trying not to anger the spouse.
  
  
  
  

• Constant put-downs in public and private.
  
  
  
  

• Expecting the worst of you and/or the children: "You are so stupid!"; "I told you so!"; "Why don't you ever...?"; "Why do you always...?". Destructive criticism.
  
  
  
  

• Put-downs that extend to your family and those you love. Attempts to separate you from your family and any emotional support they provide.
  
  
  
  

• The use of "guilt trips" to shame you and the children into doing what she wants, even though you have not done or intended anything wrong.
  
  
  
  

• She tries to control your circle of friends and acquaintances. She does not allow you to have your own friends or activities, or discourages attendance at activities with your side of the family.
  
  
  
  

• She places demands on your time that interfere with work, church, charity service, or other activities outside the home.
  
  
  
  

• She threatens to leave and take the children if you do not comply with her demands.
  
  
  
  

• She constantly demands more money, a larger home, more expensive car, or other status symbols, regardless of your ability to afford them. Controls finances, either directly or by unrestricted spending without mutual decision making (e.g. opening large credit accounts without telling you).
  
  
  
  

• She Insists that her income is hers, sometimes even extending to refusing to share information about her finances, and expecting you to cover all community expenses out of your income.
  
  
  
  

• Frequent accusations of affairs.
  
  
  
  

• False accusations of abuse.
  
  
  
  

• Tries to influence children to "take sides" (see the articles on Parental Alienation Syndrome in the PAS Archive).

  If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, there are steps you can take:
  
  
  
  

• Call the police and file a report if your spouse or partner assaults you. Men should use extreme caution, however, because the police often assume the man is the aggressor, and you may well find yourself under arrest. Make sure there is solid evidence that you are not the aggressor before calling the police.
  
  
  
  

  
  

  • Take pictures of any visible injuries you receive, and make copies of any injury reports.
    
    
    
    

  • Contact local Fathers' Rights groups in your area for support, advice, and assistance.
    
    
    
    

  • If your wife or partner becomes abusive or violent, leave and seek help. Do not accept domestic violence.
    
    
    
    

  • Make sure the children are safe -- if necessary take the children and stay at a motel or with a friend.
    
    
    
    

  • Do not blame yourself for your wife or partner's behavior. Nothing justifies her violence.
    
    
    
    

  • Free online assistance can be found at the FRTC Web site, at: www.deltabravo.net/
    

Above all, SPEAK OUT! Let someone else know that your partner is abusive. Don't hide it.

References:



1. Research by M. Strauss & R. Gelles as reported in "Women Are Responsible Too", Judith Shervin, Ph.D. & Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., LA Times. 6/21/94.



2. From the National Family Violence Survey (1975, 1985, 1992) developed by M. Strauss & R. Gelles, and funded by the National Institute of Mental Health.



3. 1980 study by Murray Straus, Richard Gelles, and Suzanne Steinmetz.



4. A study of child abuse in Lansing, Michigan. Joan Ditson and Sharon Shay in Child Abuse and Neglect, Volume 8. 1984.



5. Data from the Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3) from DHHS, and also from the Bureau of Justice Statistics report entitled "Child Victimizers and Their Victims".



6. Bureau of Justice, "Murder in Families", NCJ-143498.



7. (From item 5, the Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3)



8. Ibid.



9. Martin S. Fiebert, Cal State Univ., http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.h tm