Female chauvinist pigs on men behaving badly

Article here. Excerpt:

'There are man-haters everywhere, it seems, from children’s telly to high culture. Charges of sexism have been levelled against the creators of the Daddy Pig character in Peppa Pig — daddy is portrayed as a hopeless bumbling idiot while Mummy Pig is the embodiment of good sense — and the literary critic Harold Bloom argues that there is ‘a strong element’ of misandry in Shakespeare (whereas misogyny, he says, is hard to find).
The latest challenge invited you to climb aboard the bandwagon and compose an extract from an imaginary novel written from the perspective of a female chauvinist author. In a small but accomplished entry, Sergio Michael Petro, Frank Upton and Sandra McGregor deserve an honourable mention, the winners take £30 each and Adrian Fry pockets the extra fiver.

"Adrian Fry
Looking down at the dead girl, Detective Inspector Malmsey vowed to find her killer, the catch in his voice signifying both his self-importance at the apex of a phallocentric hierarchy and the arousal of his flaccid libido by a woman whose passivity and unreadable blankness rendered her sufficiently undemanding for sentimental objectification. The case would demand total concentration; a diet of vindaloo and whisky, total dereliction of familial responsibilities and the maintenance of a temper shorter than a list of famous female classical composers. Male hegemony excused such eccentricities; even his unironed shirts proved badges of dedication, not cause for disciplinary action. Whether aggressively harrying suspects or hypocritically reprimanding subordinates for misogynistic canteen banter, Malmsey would take complete responsibility for the case, monotasking his way to an insecure conviction, testosterone pumping too hard to permit his glancing into the victim’s diary where the perpetrators identity had been astutely anticipated. Typical!"'