Why are so many middle-aged men committing suicide?

Submitted by Mastodon on Sat, 2015-02-21 11:22

Article here. Excerpt:

“Most men today don’t have a life.”

That’s the first line of Australian psychologist Steve Biddulph’s book Manhood. I thought about that line and that book again yesterday when I read about the latest statistics relating to male suicides in the UK.

Those statistics made for grim reading. In 2013, 78 per cent of the 6,233 suicides registered in the UK were men. That’s a rate of 19 deaths per 100,000 population.

That more men take their own lives than women is not new. But in 1981 the men’s total was only about double, or just under, the women’s. Now it’s nearly four times as many.
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Do I have a life? I often think it’s not much of one. As a husband, and father of four, I ought to feel in charge, the dominant and capable head of my family. I don’t. Most often I feel inadequate, like I’m not really on top of anything, rather lurching from one situation to the next, making do, getting by. I can’t really fix anything, I don’t carry out routine maintenance, the car probably needs something doing to it, the garden’s a mess. I don’t go out much, don’t have much time to myself, don’t go and sit in a shed.
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Biddulph’s second sentence in Manhood is: “What they have instead is an act.” And I certainly identified with that. Coming home from work and being Dad did feel like an act, like I was playing at being a dad and husband, because I didn’t really know enough about my children’s lives, or even my wife’s.'

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Comments

... a lot of these are "first world" complaints. I also think he may not have considered the actual driving force around the increase, such as men losing contact with kids involuntarily after a divorce due to unjustifiable, or even justifiable, reasons. There's also the atmosphere of misandry that wears many men's psyches down unless they become aware of it, recognize it, and consciously take steps to insulate themselves from it. Also, men are less likely to seek help for chronic depression even if they know they have it. Blame society if you want, but that won't help. If one knows he's got a problem, he's responsible for seeking help if he has access to it, which the vast majority of first world ppl have. If the author finds his life is less than satisfying in any way, he's better off lighting a candle rather than cursing the dark. Also, he talks abt feeling frustrated abt not being seen as competent and "dominant" in his family system. There's feminist click-bait in spades! He needs, IMO, to get over that wanna-be-in-charge idea if he's going to find happiness in a modern rel'p. The dad-as-dictator model is as bad as the mom-as-dictator model. Two-parent households are better off as dual monarchies, not monarchies. Democracy isn't an option, considering no 2-YO rarely wants to do anything good for him- or herself, given the toddler-level of brain development. As for teenagers, while most parents over-manage their teens, many under-manage them, too. No one is better off left to their own devices at age 16 except in extraordinary conditions.

So my unsolicited advice to my fellow man here is given in the spirit of fraternal affection and not condemnation. I honestly think he'd be happier if he started playing a more active role in seeking satisfaction in his life. He should, I feel, start with this: "What do I really *need* out of life to act as grist for my happiness mill?" Not "want", since those are limitless, but *need*. Next is the old saw that happiness is often a decision, not a state. So what does he *need* to *do* to get to a place where he can decide to be happy and have it stick? Then when he knows this, pursue it. If he gets the above right, I think he'll be a lot happier, as undoubtedly will his family once they see their dad and husband happier, too.

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Submitted by Matt on Sat, 2015-02-21 21:09