University's "Sex Week" features orgasm workshop and a film about a man “born with a micropenis"

Spring always seems to have this whole "Hey, let's talk about sex again!" element to it. I think people have to remind themselves after long wintery months that yes, sex actually still exists, and maybe it's time to start at it again because, well, babies don't create themselves. Wikipedia talks about the Bastet festival here but it fails to mention both why so much alcohol was drunk and indeed, what other activities were indulged in with free abandon. First, let's just say, the ancient Egyptians really knew how to party. I mean, they taught the Romans how to do it. And that was on a typical day. Now, spring rolls around, and while Egypt then, as now, was not known for its cold winters, there was a lot of work to be done during the winter months to get ready for the harvest season which started in May (unlike in most other places, where that month was when the planting of crops began to pick up). This tended to make people sort of forget about doing things like the horizontal mamba. So starting in April and lasting all the way into May, the biggest of Bast's festivals were held, though the Egyptians liked to have Bast festivals at other times of the year (again, why not party *and* discharge religious obligations all at the same time?). Getting drunk was actually part of the requirements of the festival -- in short, getting loaded was a *religious obligation*, and failing to do so was considered impious. Well, that was a serious offense, and no one wanted to run afoul of the law when it came to honoring the gods, most especially Bastet-as-Sakhmet (the Egyptians used to mix 'n match their deities as convenient) who, as religious teachings had it, was known for jealousy and wrath, nearly wiping out humanity in a rage and drinking the blood from her victims until she was fooled into drinking beer dyed red after being told it was human blood. She got loaded and passed out, which is how humanity was saved. So like on St. Pat's Day when people drink beer dyed green, the Egyptians drank beer dyed red. And lots of it.

And they shagged. A lot. Bast was a cat/lioness goddess. The Egyptians noticed how prolific and randy cats were, going into heat as much as they could, or so it seemed, and they never had trouble keeping their numbers up, while humanity often did. So they took a clue. As the Greeks and Romans used to say, "If you couldn't get laid in Egypt, you couldn't get laid anywhere." Snicker, snicker. I also can't help but think it didn't serve as a kind of match-making event between the priestesses of Isis and Bast and the priests of Thoth, Anubis, and Osiris. I mean, something had to get those guys out of the temple and relaxing and having some fun, right? And don't opposites attract? Makes sense to me. =)

Well-to-do Romans and Greeks used to go to Egypt for this festival in particular as well as for the inundation festival in August that marked the yearly delivery of fresh silt to the Nile riverbed that they counted on for good crop yields. This was a big deal, and another very good reason for religious celebrations, drinking, and more shagging.

You see the pattern: drinking and shagging.

Now contrast this with today's version: Feminists holding workshops on how women can get themselves off and showing films about guys with short dicks. I doubt this film will be screened without a great dealing of laughter and as for the feminine self-pleasuring, again, I doubt it'll be attended by too many women who would not already be interested in getting together with other women and talk about/demo ways of getting themselves off. I mean, why would you imagine otherwise?

The ancient Egyptians, despite a lack of antibiotics and serious problems with the sand in their food destroying their teeth by the time they were 25 (or less), very high infant mortality and maternal childbirth death rates, and being heavy into drinking beer pretty much as often as they could (well I would too if my teeth were in constant pain and I had nothing else for it), *and* having to stop every 20 or so years to fight a major war with a neighbor, fend off an attacker wanting to seize the fertile lands next to the Nile's banks (which they succeeded at doing several times in Egypt's history), and somehow find time to not only figure out how to build the pyramids but actually do so, all with a population that at most got to a mere 4-5 million people at best, these same people somehow managed to survive over the course of 3,000 years. They struggled. They had fun. They drank. They had a cat goddess. A cat goddess. How cool is that? I mean, wow, were these people not loads of fun, despite the many challenges they faced? They persevered. They lasted. Hell, their pyramids are still here and they worked for years to build the damned things -- no easy task, all without bulldozers, earth-movers, industrial cranes, etc. And they had fun anyway!

But one thing they did not have was feminists. I think if they had, they never would have made it past the Old Kingdom. There never would have been a Middle Kingdom. They'd've said "F*ck it!" and moved someplace where there weren't any feminists holding female masturbation workshops and screenings of a "documentary" about a man who struggles with the challenges of having a small dick.