Deadbeat Parents? State-Mandated Child Support Hurts The Ones It's Supposed To Help

Article here. Excerpt:

"No. 1 deadbeat parent pleads guilty to owing $1.2 million" reads the headline from the Associated Press. The article details a father fleeing first to Florida and then to Thailand, resulting in child-support arrears since 2002.

His name is Robert Sand and he sits in jail. Deported from the Philippines in November, he was sent to Los Angeles where he was arrested by federal marshals, and then extradited to New York where he has been held without bail since December. Next, this dad became front-page news. The AP article was careful to use the term "deadbeat parent," but my Facebook feed doesn't subscribe to such neutral speech. My page lit up with moms rallying in solidarity. The target? Deadbeat dads.
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Are there toxic parents who neither love nor support their child? Sure. But forced money gained can't disguise that ugliness. A child who experiences a truly negative parent doesn't need money, they need healing. It's hard to heal a child's pain when the focus is on the toxic parent.

The twisted part? Some custodial parents revel in their ex's deadbeat demise. As if a declared deadbeat somehow justifies the suffering. A child doesn't want justification, a child wants smiles.

Children of divorce are holding up a sign: It's time for a new divorce. They are wanting a divorce process and solutions that address their needs -- that address their heart. They know that they can be loved, nurtured, and thrive through divorce.

When we assert that "It's best for the child," it's time we do it with a heart that perceives the consequences.

It's time we think anew.'