Pop-Tart ‘gun’ suspension: Seriously, folks?

Story here. Even the WaPost is coming to realize the ridiculousness of today's "standards". They fall short of course of calling it what it is: a war on boys. Excerpt:

'A 7-year-old Anne Arundel County boy was suspended Friday for chewing his breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun and saying, “bang, bang”— an offense that the school described as a threat to other students, according to his family.
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Welch said an assistant principal at Park Elementary School told him that his son pointed the pastry at a classmate. The boy maintains he pointed it at the ceiling, according to his father.
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Look, Reality, this is too much. Leave this sort of grotesque parody to the Onion*, where it belongs. It is stories like this that have reduced the Onion to tweeting unspeakable things about 9-year-olds. That is not what anyone wants to happen. But you have left them no choice, continually encroaching on their territory like this. Please, stay out of it. They might at least have made it funny. This is just depressing.
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It turned out that the Pop-Tart was menacing only for its shape, not for its contents. But give it time. At the rate things are turning absurd, that’s hardly a stretch.'

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*You've never heard of "The Onion"?? Well, you're missing out. Read it here. (Just be advised, some consider it NSFW, and indeed, some employers block it.)