'Back Off, Stay-at-Home Dads'

Submitted by Mastodon on Sat, 2012-11-10 01:01

Article here. Excerpt:

'The number of stay-at-home dads has doubled in the past decade, partly due to the economy. But rather than bumbling through an awkward shift brought on by circumstances, the stay-at-home dads I know seem to be taking it all in stride. Thriving, even. Seriously, stay-at-home dads, your ability to just ease into the primary caregiver role like it's a job folding sweaters at The Gap is making the rest of us look bad. At least Michael Keaton's Mr. Mom had the courtesy to feed the baby raw chili and overflow the washing machine.

Today's SAHD's make parenting seem too easy and fun. And that's no good for me or my stay-at-home mom job security.

My partner and I have a fairly traditional arrangement. He wins the bread and I butter it, staying home with our 21-month-old daughter. I like it this way. But if I complain about anything -- a missed nap, a melt-down, a chunky bout of car sickness -- instead of sympathy and appreciation, I get wistful jealousy. My man swears up and down he'd switch places with me "in a heartbeat." And that's your fault, stay-at-home dads, what with your cute Baby Bjorn photos on Facebook and your weekday games of tag at the park.

The modern stay-at-home dad's evolution from clueless cartoon to sexy superhero is not the only part of this whole trend that annoys me. I'm bitter that since you're men and not women, you're easier on yourself and each other. How nice that must be for you.

Moms, am I wrong? Take an alpha male out of the boardroom and put him in a parent/toddler class and you will see a parent who is not afraid to take pride in his accomplishments: "Yeah, potty training, I crushed that bitch!" We moms are too busy prefacing every comment, "So I'm sure this is my fault and I'm totally screwing up my kid but..." to ever pat ourselves on the back and relax.

While dudes are generous enough to be self-deprecating about their parenting misfires (see: daddy blogs), they're not nearly as likely as mommies to beat themselves up and shame-spiral.

That's why you never hear about "daddy wars." Stay-at-home dads don't have to judge and disparage other fathers just to make themselves feel better about their choices. They already feel fine. Because they're guys. And that's just not fair.'

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Comments

Two decades ago, had a friend say that after a few years of there being a serious number of SAHDs around, women would be clamoring, and feminists the loudest, to "let" women go back into the home and raise the kids. Truth is, having the chance to see your own child grow and develop more or less on a full-time basis while someone else supports you (and knowing you can get them to keep doing so if you break up, and you're more likely to get the kid-- such a deal!) is just a very nice proposition. Why wouldn't more dads want it?

To imagine perhaps there is a disagreement among two parents over who gets to stay home and raise the kids-- a nice day to see dawn, indeed. And it also exposes the degree to which too many moms want to be gatekeepers. Want to have a 9-to-5 job but also be "The Mommy"? Can't have it both ways, honey. Sort of forces you to really ask yourself what's important to you. But the modern gal's problem is not so much whether she wants a child. Most do. It's getting a man to actually go for the option of having one with you, given the risk to him that it entails. Or as this same friend also put it 20 years ago, "Give people enough rope, they hang themselves." He was of course referring to feminists when he said this, but perhaps more broadly speaking, "today's women".

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Submitted by Matt on Sat, 2012-11-10 02:47