Ask Amy: Devastated husband faces wife's in vitro fraud

Submitted by chuck on Tue, 2012-01-17 18:05

This time Ask Amy got it right in Husband faces wife's fraud over in vitro embryos (1/17/12). She wanted another child so she forged his name on the papers and had the embryo implanted. There is no way that wife can use the "it was an accident" excuse. It will be interesting to see what happens to the birth rate -- and that excuse--when Vasalgel is approved (it's essentially a completely reversible vasectomy). Excerpt:

'Dear Amy:
...
I wasn't ready to have another child at that time and told her so.

Unfortunately, my wife forged my signature on the clinic paperwork for the embryo transfers and never told me.

I only found out by contacting the fertility center after the fact.

I've tried numerous times to get her to go to marriage counseling to talk about this and other problems, but she won't go because she feels that whatever problems we have are my fault.
...
Dear Sad: Your wife's selfishness is truly shocking.

You are correct that there is no "good outcome" from this, but it is necessary to confront the issue directly.

Sweeping this fraud and its underlying hubris under the rug will not work. Even if you manage to stay married, your sense of self and the dynamic with your wife will become untenable unless you both openly deal with her actions.
...
Your wife made her choices. But she does not get to decide what you will choose to do to restore some order and integrity to your life.'

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Comments

To many women, men are just something to use, like a car. Oh, I can get money out of him, via alimony, great. Oh, I can get sperm to have another baby, great. A friend says that what women find "masculine" in men is what they can use (guys acting disposable defending them for example).

I had an experience of this same indifference toward men, which I don't believe is inherent in women, just something that the legal system, the media, and feminism teaches women. Wife #2 took out her IUD without saying a word to me. We had no children, were not having any discussions about children, and were going through very difficult financial troubles. It only came out months later, when she slipped and inadvertently mentioned it. Then it was like "what? you have something to say about this?" Apparently she didn't care that I had to pay 18 years of child support, whether we were married or not. Apparently she didn't think that my input was important. Apparently she didn't think that fathers had any influence in such decisions.

Fortunately she didn't get pregnant. That turned out to be just one of major ways she showed that she was profoundly untrustworthy. If women want men to commit to them, in any way, they had better start acting a whole lot more trustworthy.

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Submitted by redwoodwriter on Wed, 2012-01-18 21:50

men have to pay for children if she steal his sperm out of the garbage can

men have to pay support if women put the wrong guy's name on the b.c. and don't tell him until the deadline to respond has passed

men pay support for women tricking them all the time in a plethora of devious ways

paternity fraud is rampant

he!!, men even pay support for children produced when she screws around in the marriage

why would this be any different?

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Submitted by daveinga on Thu, 2012-01-19 02:13