No, dads, get some sleep

He is right. It was a terrible article to run on father's day.

Personally I hate the "who works harder" argument. I think comparing the two is like comparing apples to oranges. Every couple works out their own deal when dividing responsibilities. It is presumptuous for anyone to think that all couples value the same things when it comes to household, relationship or parental responsibilities; or for an outsider (like the author of the article) to assume one partner is working harder or in need of appreciation or help more than the other partner.

The way I see it there are two aspects of raising kids that must be met by the parents. Financial needs and emotional/physical care. I don't care which parents provides what or if they share 50/50 or whatever. Generally, if 100% of the roles are assigned to one parent, the only way one parent can provide all the emotional/physical care (usually mothers) is if the other parent is providing all the financial needs (usually fathers). A mother cannot stay at home unless the father works hard to give her that opportunity.

It seems men can't catch a break. If they don't financially support their kids they are labeled as deadbeats. If they work hard to support their family they are labeled as workaholics or accused of not putting their family first.

As far as comparing who works harder is not even possible. The roles are so completely different. Staying at home and caring for children is relatively easy (I'm a stay at home mom). The catch is you have to sacrifice all personal time and personal freedoms. By that I mean I am NEVER alone. I have my kids with me 24/7. I cannot even blast my music in my car because my kids are with me. They are often even sleeping with me at night (bad dreams, have to feed the baby, sometimes they just wander into the bedroom, etc)

I am nursing a baby. That means I am at the mercy of her schedule. I cannot shower when I want, leave the house when I want, etc. I cannot drink alcohol or indulge in any other fun stuff. I have what I call a "two hour leash" I can never be more than 2 hours away from my baby. (really I am never away from her, but if I want to get anything done around the house, I have to do it within two hours, otherwise she might get hungry, and then I have to stop doing whatever it is I am doing.)

However, there are also fun and not so stressful times that I get to enjoy. It is just that it is based on my children's schedule and their needs.

I would describe running a household as stressful because it is unchallenging, never ending, under appreciated as children don't usually thank parents for devoting the whole day to their needs, cleaning up after them, etc., and full of tedious tasks (cleaning up barf, tracking down a lost items, etc.). The stress is very different from the type of stress my husband feels from his work (working for a boss, competing for promotions, deadlines, etc).

I know my husband works hard, and I don't expect him to do many household chores. I do all his laundry and always make dinner and clean up (I also make him breakfast in the morning and pack his lunch).

I don't know why hard working fathers and stay at home moms stir up so much criticism. They are providing exactly what children need and are not relying on outside sources.

The article above I am commenting on is criticizing fathers for wanting down time when they come home stressed from work and not wanting to give the stay at home moms a break.

I happen to believe that hard working fathers deserve down time ,and in my household that it is part of our deal. I figure since my husband handled stress at work, he should not have any more stress or demands when he gets home. That's the tradeoff for me being able to stay at home. My job isn't as hard or stressfull, but it is 24/7.

I was going to post this comment on the page containing Pearlman's article, but I guess commenting is disabled now:

People find this article offensive because it is just that. I know it made my blood boil to read it. The reason is because Jeff Pearlman would literally sh** his pants if he had to live one day in the shoes of my father while I was growing up.

Don't get me wrong. I really appreciate everything my mother did. She was a stay at home mom, and she did most of the domestic chores (cleaning, cooking, etc.). However, in the grand scheme of things my father sacrificed way more for the family. He worked 12 hour days six days a week to make sure his family of six always had food and shelter. His job was not an office job, either. It was hard, physical labour. Believe me, everyone in my family never had the nerve to give him grief about relaxing when he got home. That's because it would be unbelievably selfish of us to do so.

I still got to spend quality time with him on his one and only day off each week, however. We usually didn't leave the house, but I got to see him. It would be nice to see articles praising dads like mine on father's day instead of this condescending trash from a man who is but a fraction of the father that my dad is. He wasn't around as much as mom, but that's because he was out earning money doing physical work, something Pearlman clearly would know nothing about.

My dad had such a big heart that he worked an overwhelming majority of each week to provide for us. How about a little grattitude for all the men providing for their families on the day we're actually supposed to be praising fathers, instead of this condescending propagation of a negative male stereotype? Yeesh!
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I gotta say it's really nice to see another writer completely refute Pearlman's article. He got put in his place.

Evan AKA X-TRNL
Real Men Don't Take Abuse!

My father was much the same. He worked in a factory while my mother stayed at home.

My dad's job left him physically tired, sweaty and dirty. He hated summer because the factory had no air con, a low roof and only small windows. All this for a job that didn't pay a huge amount, but wad enough for a family of three (just).

My dad always worked; the only time he didn't was when he had an accident with some machinery that came within an ace of severing two fingers on his left hand. He was off work for some months, but when he healed he was back at his job, working as before.

He is now unemployed, aged 60, having being made redundant eighteen months ago. No shame from me though; he left school at 15 and went straight into work and held the same job for nigh on 44 years.

He's earned a break.