Tasha Kheiriddin: Affirmative action in the family room? No thanks.

Submitted by DenisP on Tue, 2011-02-01 16:28

Article here. Excerpt:

'Ah, the joys of new motherhood. You are perennially exhausted. The baby cried again last night; even when she goes right back to sleep, you don’t. You haven’t showered in three days; your hair is a mop; you pray no one comes to visit, because the last thing you want to do is be social.

And now, mothers have to worry about “maternal gatekeeping” too? Gee, thanks.

Ohio University researcher Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan studied 112 middle-class of toddlers, and found that couples where mothers did more caregiving and fathers did more playing experienced less conflict than those who assumed more gender-neutral roles. Her conclusion?

She suggested parents may be subconsciously bothered when parenting roles conflict with their pre-conceived ideas.

From the mother’s point of view, it could be a function of “maternal gatekeeping,” Schoppe-Sullivan said.

“For mothers, maybe, it’s hard to give up some control to the father,” she said. “That could be a total social effect, but there could some sort of biological underpinning to it.”'

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Even when the truth of biological sex differences stares her in the face, she tries to tie it primarily to social pressures.

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Submitted by jayhammers on Wed, 2011-02-02 14:05

I am not defending "gatekeeping" as I believe both parents should have access and opportunity to care for their baby, but I did agree with much of the article.

The article mentioned that feminist are behind the 50/50 thing (dad should change half the diapers, get up during the night 50% of the time, etc.) I share her criticism of this silly notion. Especially since it overlooks the obvious...is the mother expected to do 50% of the father's responsibilities, such heavy lifting, fix the cars? (of course not).

The article lost me a little bit on the gatekeeping issue. I already mentioned above that I don't support mothers acting like gatekeepers, but I have issue with the example it used which involved the husband wanting a chance to sooth the baby during the night, which was normally the mother's time to breastfeed.

I assume the father does not know how swollen and painful the mother's breasts would be. A mother produces milk based on the baby's feeding habits and needs (if baby normally feeds at 3 AM, then the mothers breasts will be full at 3 AM). Each skipped opportunity to breastfeed will result in less milk production and mess up the synchronization she has with the baby's feeding schedule . The baby may then start to prefer the bottle nipple (bottle nipples are easier and faster for the baby to extract milk). It can cause all sorts of emotional and physical frustration for the mother and baby.

So, I totally disagreed with the gatekeeping concept until the author used the example that involved taking time away from a mother to breastfeed. But I am sure most considerate couples could come up with a respectful solution and most mothers would appreciate and recognize the value of having a helpful dad.

PS-Babies recognize and bond with both mom and dad right away, but if they are breastfed, they know mommy is the one with the milk, so if they are hungry they will fuss until they get their mom. Some fathers may feel slighted by this. If both parents are valued and respected this should be a non-issue and work itself out. If a couple doesn't understand this, then they have bigger problems.

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Submitted by Kris on Wed, 2011-02-02 17:45