U of Chicago Social Srvc Admin report: Black Men Among Most Disadvantaged, Least Helped in U.S.

Black people have a lot of strengths as well as a lot of troubles. I never had black people around me growing up, but for two to three years around the time I met my ex I was exposed to black-American culture and it was an eye opener. Of course the biggest problem for blacks is lack of an intact family. Another obstacle is that if anyone tries to point these obstacles out, blacks accuse you of "racism" or "stereotyping".

Even the author of this article (who I assume is black) wants to try and convince you that the stereotype of black men is false: "Most African-American men do not fit the popular stereotype and fulfill their responsibilities to their families and society..."

However, later the article contradicts this by saying young black males are likely to grow up in single family homes and lack of paternal involvement is to blame for much of their troubles.

I think the latter statement is the truth. But in order to help black males become better fathers, they need help becoming better people. They need to be valued.

African-Americans are caught in a terrible cycle.

Poor education and possibly time in prison for black males >> little opportunity>>poor personal choices such as risky sexual activity, drug use/addiction issues>>>children at a young age/no fathers in the household>>>poor parenting/move around a lot>>>children receive poor education >>>(cycle repeats)

The history of slavery as well as racism has influenced much of this, they are no doubt unfair obstacles to overcome and we still have a long ways to go. Programs such as affirmative action and government handouts are controversial. So what to do?

When I look at the cycle I posted above and think about how to solve some of those issues, it is difficult because each consequence is caused by the previous behavior which is caused by the previous consequence. It's the ol' "chicken and the egg" dilemma. What comes first, the consequence or the behavior that causes the consequence?

I also notice that blacks that do have stable families and careers have little understanding of "building wealth" and financial management skills. This is not taught in schools and is usually taught to children by their fathers. It is no wonder why high earning blacks don't build wealth at the same rate as white people. Building wealth involves understanding interest rates, investments, risk, etc. This is how wealthy families stay wealthy for generations. Think about it. It is not that money is passed down like many people falsely believe. That could never work because families expand at multiple rates (one couple has 2 kids, those 2 kids have 2 kids, and so on...) by the third generation, the wealth from the grandparents would be spread too thin to have any impact. It is really financial knowledge and work ethic that are passed down (although inheriting money helps too).

Keep in mind that I have thought about this topic a lot. I am raising black children (black MALE children) and I have watched their father come through his black ghetto upbringing which included a father in prison, a mother with brain damage caused by domestic violence, abuse, neglect, homelessness and attending ten different schools by 9th grade. Despite all that he became a successful person (thank God he could play ball). He made it to college. He had a successful career, he made a lot of money and he is a good person (he's no angel but he is the kind of guy you could trust with your life).

The bad part? He has lost it all. I think the black culture from his past as well as returning to the black culture after his success are to blame. He is going broke (due to overspending, not investing and not understanding interest rates.) He is depressed (I think staying connected to his children would have reduced this risk) and he suffers from alcoholism (probably self-medicating for the depression).

I think he stays away from his children because of his experience and feelings towards his own father. He would rather be an absent father than a bad father. People tend to avoid things if they think they are going to fail. I also think black men are used to the mother handling all the child rearing duties as that is what they have experienced for generations. The irony is that I think if he would have stayed close to his children none of these negative things would have happened. People tend to feel valued and more grounded when they have children around. Children influence you because you know they are going to see the choices you make and depend on you. (He had no signs of depression or alcoholism when he was with me)

He also has a warped sense of fatherhood. He considers himself a great father. He has bragged many times that he provides hefty child support for his kids (he did make millions, so he has paid a substantial amount). and he has never beat them (that's easy to say when you choose to live thousands of miles away and aren't around to discipline). He also enthusiastically accepted the pregnancies, blocked my plan of adoption ( I thank him for that) and was present for the births and willingly signed birth certificates (I never gave this much thought as I assumed every father does this, but I guess in his culture this is a big deal).

So he has some good mixed in, but to not parent your kids or be involved in anyway other than financial is a big blow. I guess he forms his opinion of being a great father based on his own upbringing.

This post is getting long, I will try and wrap it up although I may come across as racist for being blunt. Here goes:

1. Black men need help, as men are to be the leaders of their families. They should not be discriminated against when it comes to receiving services. It is too bad they receive the brunt of the blame as I do realize they are victims themselves from being deprived of paternal involvement. By helping black men, you will help families and families are the foundation that will help fix many of their other problems.

2. Blacks need to realize there is a problem. The first step in overcoming any problem is admitting the problem. However blacks will accuse you of racism if you try and discuss these issues.

3. Black people need to get control of their sexual behavior. This is huge IMO. Blacks engage in sex at a younger age than whites and have many more partners. They have more pregnancies, births and abortions than any other racial group and are less likely to give their children up for adoption. This reduces their chance of education, keeps them poor, increases the likelihood of convoluted families, absent fathers, unstable homes, poor parenting, etc.

I think it is the lack of supervision in a single family home, lack of a father and lack of money that all promotes the perfect environment for early sexual activity (sex is easy when you have no money for other activities, no parent is supervising you, and it makes you feel good).

4. They need a better understanding of finances (poor people in general need this, not just blacks). This is not taught in the schools. If people don't learn this from their parents or in college, they will probably never learn it.

5. Black people need to drop the parts of their culture that keeps them poor (that's right. I'm going to say it). Embrace proper English! I have sympathy for when this is due to lack of education, but when a college educated black person starts with the Ebonics, I want to scream. (first rule of business: decide who you want to do business with [hint: it is best to do business with people that have the most money - which is white people] and then learn to speak their language).

6. Fatherhood needs improving. First fatherhood needs to be valued. If black men never have an example of good fathers, then how can we expect them to know what to do. And to females: don't have a baby with just anyone let them earn the privilege and want it.

I am asked frequently if I expose my kids to African-American culture. The answer is HELL NO!! Unless we are talking about how it got so bad (slavery, racism and absence of fathers). I do have sympathy and I do see strengths (perseverance mostly). But for the most part, my kids can do without black-America. They don't need to be exposed to the n-word, f-word, etc.

But we do discuss black history, black heroes and AFRICAN culture. I would like to take my kids to Africa someday. I also would like to have them DNA tested to see what region/tribe they are from (it would be more accurate if their dad did this. DNA heritage testing is fascinating. I would like it done on myself. Since I am adopted I could find out what nationality I am).

Well, I've said enough. Goodnight.

Thank you, Kris. Your comments and insight about this are interesting.