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"My 6-year-old suddenly hates dad...why?"
Submitted by Matt on Sat, 2010-03-13 18:24
I've seen better from Carolyn Hax.
To see the anti-father bias in both the girl's mother and in Carolyn's response to it, just switch out the sexes. Had the dad been writing in about the mom, what would Carolyn or indeed any other columnist been likely to reply? It exposes the deep suspicion of fathers in our society even by the mothers of their children and the generalized and accepted distrust of men in general. No wonder so many men these days eschew fatherhood or association even with their own children. More even than the misandrist and anti-father court system, it is the attitudes of society in general that allow such things to exist that so well-discourage men from paternity at every turn, never-mind the arguments around human overpopulation or the unaffordability of having children these days.
Except:
From the letter:
'Please help. My 6-year-old has all of a sudden started saying she doesn't want to be around her daddy (my husband). She hates when I leave the house without her and cries before and after he takes her anywhere himself. She used to adore him. My husband is clueless about what brought on this change and so am I.'
...
From the reply:
'Ask your pediatrician, immediately. I would say to ask your 6-year-old directly -- she's certainly old enough to speak for herself -- but you have to be so careful not to put words in a child's mouth that I feel more comfortable steering you to a pro. Also, the more serious the problem is, the more likely she'll struggle to make sense of it enough to put it into words, and/or the more frightened she'll be that telling the truth will get her in trouble.
...
A dad with nothing to hide will presumably support, encourage and participate in this process, both for his daughter's benefit and for his own.'
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Comments
Carolyn Hax is right
I have to support Carolyn Hax here. The woman is clearly still together with her husband and is clearly concerned about her daughter's antipathy to her father. This indicates that she is not attempting to alienate the girl from her father, or, at least, is not consciously doing so. Since neither parent knows why this is happening and a 6 yo might not know, or might not be able to express, why she feels the way she does, going to an expert is the only answer. We just have to hope that the pediatrician is objective enough not to jump to conclusions. And there is always the POSSIBILITY that he is abusing her in some way.
I would think that she would have given the same advice if the genders had been reversed.
Could he be stepfather?
For some reason when I first read this I got the impression that the man was the child's stepfather. As the writer feels the need to inform you that she is referring to her husband in parenthesis. Perhaps I am speculating too much.
If it is a stepfather, than the story takes on another dimension as they could be newly married, someone could be alienating the child against the stepfather, or the stepfather could be doing something to cause the girl anxiety, etc.
Whatever the case, it needs to get solved. I think it should start with the mother doing some investigating and speaking to the daughter and husband herself.
It could be a simple matter of different parenting styles, one parent is more strict; or maybe child has found a way to minipulate attention from mom.
I would be hesitant about getting any professionals involved unless the mother is sure it is necessary and helpful, and if she does, I would pay privately and not involve any insurance or allow these records to mix with the child's regular medical file. You want to keep this stuff separate and private. All health records are permanent and you would not want something like this to come back and haunt you especially if you have an over-zealous professional that jumps to conclusions.
A real longshot
Nowadays it could be her first-grade teacher and an All Men Are Oppressors™ scenario, or even a new misandrous cartoon show she just started watching. In any event, I'd do a whole lot more digging before involving any professionals.
A fake letter
Probably written by a feminist social worker to promote witch hunts against fathers.
MRAs should be using Dear Abbey type columns to talk about PAS and situations where fathers are the best custodian parent.
???
Was this letter really submitted or "submitted"? In other words, does this letter really exist? Was this an actual letter or a nonexistent letter just to further the pedo histeria against men?