UK: "Men expect women to take all the decisions"

Submitted by Broadsword on Mon, 2010-02-08 15:55

Article here. Excerpt:

"Why is there an expectation that the woman will make the majority of the choices - from the minor and flippant, such as what to wear, to the more major, such as where to live?

It is as if, on top of everything else, she has to become the chief decision-maker, the 'decider.'

Studies appear to confirm that women are increasingly the dominant decision-making force in relationships.
...
Jenny, a consultant urologist, sees things from a different perspective. 'I work in a very male-oriented environment. I watch men strut about the hospital. At work, they hold all the power. Some of them clearly revel in it - they actually get off on bossing junior people, often women, about. 'But when I see them with their wives, they are completely different people. They are like little boys. They do as they're told. They ask permission to have a drink. It's as if, for a lot of them, their wives are more like their mothers than their equals.
...
One male friend said it was watching his friends change from free- spirited, independent individuals to emasculated husbands that put him off marriage. 'I would say the vast majority of my male friends are subservient to their wives.

'They'd never admit this, of course. But it's blindingly obvious. They remind me of that cartoon in which a woman is grinning manically and gripping on to her husband, saying: "Our marriage has been so successful because we are open to each other's points of view, and we always think for ourselves - isn't that right, dear?"

'The husband is nodding frantically. It's an exaggeration, obviously, but it's not too far from what I see. I am afraid of ending up like that. Which is why I've decided to give marriage a body-swerve.'"

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Comments

... he is being domineering. So men were for decades taught it was all right if not required to cede decision-making power in personal relationships to women and that was considered a form of social progress, or progressive thinking and acting. Now suddenly it's a burden on women.

If anything this is an example of how for many women there is simply no happiness for them. As I observe people progress in life, I am convinced much of what we are seeing is driven by biology - specifically, brain biology, which is influenced by particular experiences in particular societies. In western societies, the typical woman has been raised to see herself as a victim but also as an uber-frau (Superwoman), thus any stress at all in her life is viewed as being inflicted on her by others (ie, by men, even if there are none to be seen for miles). She has been taught she is powerful (actually, all-powerful) but like any mortal, she is not. So when she is treated as if she is all-powerful, she secretly resents it and at the same time rejects efforts to step away from her position as Superwoman since that is now unacceptable for her to do. And to make a conscious decision to defer to a man in her life in any way is for most women nearly unthinkable; and if she does, it will be kept on the down-low.

Thus she is always the victim. And she blames men for her victimhood, or a particular man, or both. Meanwhile men too are victims - just not nearly as important victims as women (in fact, men have 0 importance as victims compared with women). This is why we see articles like this one that essentially blame men for the fact that they are being managed about by their wives and girlfriends like so many office-clerks, and how now it would be nice to see a few men pop up more in the mold of men of a bygone era. But the problem with that is that it is impossible to have both Superwoman and Real Man in the same room without the two understanding the intricacies of something known as "power-exchange" or "power-sharing" in a relationship. These skills require a great deal of maturity and time to cultivate and for the typical couple, the relationship doesn't last through it or isn't even solid enough to start with. Hence our very high divorce rate and high rate of reported relationship dissatisfaction.

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Submitted by Matt on Tue, 2010-02-09 18:33

Heh, heh. This subject is so funny, because it's one I deal with repeatedly. Men refuse to make the decisions because they are tired of being challenged at every turn. As a general rule, guys don't care one way or the other for many of the petty issues of life. They are willing to yield to the woman to let her have her way. It's more PEACEFUL that way.

We all know what happens when we (the guy) makes a decision that includes/affects a female partner. Do we really need to go there? Oookay. :-)

NOTE: The following is based on ACTUAL experience.
EXAMPLE 1:
Guy: Why don't we go out to eat? I'll treat you to a meal. (Like its going to work any other way? Ha!)
Woman: Ooh! That's sounds good (or romantic)!
Guy: Let's go to "such and such" place.
Woman: [sigh][rollseyes]
For the rest of the evening the guy has to hear derogatory, flippant comments about his choice of eatery. In some cases, you'll never be able to live it down that you choose a place SHE didn't want to eat at.

EXAMPLE 2:
Woman: I'm hungry. Why don't you take us out to eat? But, you decide where to go, because I'm tired of always having to make decisions around here!!
Guy: Let's go "such and such #1".
Woman: I don't feel like eating there today.
Guy: Let's go "such and such #2".
Woman: Nah. I just ate there last week.
Guy: Let's go "such and such #3".
Woman: Are you kidding me?! The waitress didn't refill my glass the last time I was there!
Guy: Let's go "such and such #4".
Woman: Oh, good grief! Why are you making this so difficult?! Let's just go to my favorite place, "such and such #5!" See how simple it is?!

For the rest of the evening, as the woman is chatting up a storm, you wonder what chivalry and compromise is really about.
Keep in mind, this is for simple, petty things in life. Imagine deciding on the more difficult issues!

MAJ

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Submitted by digital_dreamer on Wed, 2010-02-10 00:22