Pro-Joint Parenting Story

Article here. The author debates the pros and cons of shared parenting with a child that has been with his mother for 9 of 11 years. Excerpt:

'Post-divorce child custody arrangements fall commonly into two models. There is the primary residence model, wherein children sleep, eat and live primarily in one house with one parent. For reasons of prejudice, the primary residence most often belongs to the mother. Then there is the two-residence model, wherein the children split time in what are essentially two lives, two homes and possibly two neighborhoods.

Both models make deals with the devil as it were.

In the primary residence model, the upside is domestic continuity for the children, which is convenient to say the least. But the downside stinks. There is no escaping that the nonresidence parent becomes in some part subordinated, no matter how heroically he or she battles to stay present, involved and connected. The nonresidence parent becomes the visitation parent. He or she visits the children. His or her children come to visit. That is, not live with you. This is a huge and consequential symbolic and actual shift in the relationship.

Only a nonresidence parent could possibly phrase the question. "What do you want to do while you're here?"'