Message to men: Don't assault us

Submitted by el cid on Fri, 2015-01-02 19:53

Story here. Another woman who never locks her door but tells burglars not to rob her home. Excerpt:

'As I drove slowly around the endless strip malls that line the main drag of my city, I heard it — a public service announcement that seemed meant for me.

"Ultimately you are responsible for your safety in parking lots. Walk deliberately with keys in hand. Carry mace. Don't look at your cell phone. Don't let yourself become a victim. Happy holidays and New Year from the Sheriff's Office."

On its face, it seems like a helpful message, a proactive reminder to stay safe. But I heard something else. I heard, "This year, the police department would like a lot fewer assault and rape charges clogging up our system, ladies."

Unfair? Maybe. The office's message doesn't specify women. But it's implied — not just by my police department, but by society.
...
But by telling women that we're ultimately responsible for our own safety, the police department is suggesting (unintentionally, I'm sure) that we're responsible for whether we get assaulted, which is just not true. While there are things women can do to reduce their risk, whether they get assaulted is simply not up to them. It's up to the assailant.'

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Comments

I see what she's saying, really, and the vast majority of classic "parking lot assailants" who seek to steal purses, grab small but pricey holiday purchases and run, smash-and-grab from cars, etc., are male (though there are exceptions). And females tend to make easier targets of such attacks if for no other reason than the average male can typically outrun the average female so long as "average" includes equality of age, health issues, etc. The sudden unexpectedness and shock plays a role but there's also this: when attacked, most women still look around for a big-strong-man to protect them, while most men don't. They think and decide in a split second: "What to do here? Chase the attacker and engage or not?" Then he acts accordingly. Most women don't think that. Like the author, they think "Where's my protector-man when I need him?" And the sex of the assailant doesn't matter, either. Same thing happens even if the attacker is female.

In a perfect world, no one, including men, would need to worry about being assailed. But it isn't a perfect world we live in. So we deal. Until women as a class realize that, like men as a class, the reality of personal safety is that police can't be omnipresent (and it'd be bad if they were), and bad actors (indeed, nearly all men) take advantage if this fact, it is on oneself to decide how to respond to and be prepared for such situations. You can complain about the absence of police when and where all you want, but reality is what it is.

I would just like to mention this though: her closing bio at the end of the piece says she used to be a TV producer and is now a stay-at-home mom. Assuming she is both married and married to a man, and given that if married, the vast majority of stay-at-home mothers are being supported by men, and most divorces in heterosexual marriages (70-80% depending on the state, etc.) in the US are initiated by the wife with kids, alimony, and child support going to her the vast majority of the time (like getting assaulted by parking lot scum, only the sexes reversed), then shouldn't, say, daytime TV routinely air PSAs reminding stay-at-home moms that they are responsible for *not* shafting their husbands in the typical "family court" smash-and-grab of the "marital property" (incl. hubby's post-marital property), etc.? That'd be a good place to start. Another good PSA on radio, evening TV, etc., would remind people of the above hazards when subsidizing someone else's "stay-at-home" desires. Two great PSAs that taste great together! :)

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Submitted by Matt on Sat, 2015-01-03 19:00

"Don't get married."

"She may be fun in bed but she won't be fun in divorce court."

And, of course, one reason a lot of PSAs like the one described in the article are seemingly directed at women is because society makes protecting women a high priority. In fact, such PSAa represent sheriffs doing the best they can to provide protection for women--because, as Matt points out, they can't be everywhere.

And would a woman want a policeman with her 24x7?

On the other hand, that's why in certain Arab countries women must always be in public with her husband or a male relative. So the woman always has a big strong man around to protect her. Which is pretty much what this woman wants.

At least one Arab man I spoke with says this practice can be a pain in the ass for men. They can't just send the wife to buy groceries; they have to go with her.

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Submitted by el cid on Sat, 2015-01-03 20:08

deleted my post again.

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Submitted by daveinga on Sat, 2015-01-03 21:29

Curses! Via email, send me the text of it so I can see what's what.

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Submitted by Matt on Sun, 2015-01-04 01:12