"I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry"

... let her have it! :)

I really don't have much to say to people like blogger Amy Glass. She is entitled to her opinion. She is correct that being a SAHM is different than being a career woman. Even I get a little irritated when SAHMs try and suggest they have it tough. The two life choices are really incomparable. It is her disrespect for SAHM that I have a problem with, but she really gives nothing to argue or dispute as her only reason for looking down on SAHMs is because "they are not the same". That seems like a illogical reason to look down on someone and I can't argue with someone who is illogical.

I don't get involved with "which is harder" comparisons of SAHM vs career woman. It's too subjective based on ones' unique values. Some people value having kids and family, others don't. Also, there is a myriad of subjective factors that have little to do with hard work, like which option is exciting, mundane, rewarding, self-sacrificing, etc. There are pros and cons to both; it's sort of like comparing an indoor cat to an outdoor cat.

At least she acknowledges that women can not have it all by saying:

"You will never have the time, energy,freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids" -Amy Glass

She goes on to indicate that being a doctor, engineer, etc is more important than being a wife and mother.

Where does she think doctors and engineers come from? Who creates them?

She's a professional blogger, that's not really a necessary occupation. So I don't value her opinion about who is important to society and who's not.

Well said.

thanks :)

Also....

I've been waiting for an appropriate time to mention this point as I have thought about it often during my past conversations at MANN .

I have a hard time with the mentality that women MUST be surgically or chemically altered in order to be respected in society. Not all women can or want to take birth control. The majority of women who have climbed up a cooperate ladder and have reached their mid-thirties without any children have relied heavily on birth control and abortion. I would never suggest a woman should have an obligation to society to use these methods.

I am not excusing women from responsibility to care for their children. I am suggesting that women who don't want surgery (IUD, tubal ligation) or 24/7 chemicals (pills,shot, etc) or who are not willing to abort need to make choices so any children they conceive will be cared for. This usually involves forming a relationship/agreement with a man (such as marriage) and a career which is compatible with fertility and child birth.

All healthy sexually active women know the risks of pregnancy and what lengths they will go to prevent birth. I think it is perfectly respectable for women to forgo birth control for any reason including the right to keep their bodies natural or due to side effects or health reasons. As long as no one is dishonest or infringing on anyone else and children are cared for, I have no reason to make judgements on a woman's use or non-use of chemical or surgical birth control.

anecdotal story....

I grew up believing I had a genetic disposition for birth control failure/high fertility. My birth mom had 4 accidental children by the time she was 23 (she claimed she used birth control). I was also denied chemical birth control at 19 years old, and the suggestion of a surgical IUD grossed me out (still does). Not having reliable birth control certainly has influenced my life choices including career. I specifically chose to get a degree in nursing because of the flexibility and ability to take large chunks of time off. Currently, I'm lucky to be a stay at home mom, but I could go back to nursing at any time. Nurses can get a job anywhere, so I also considered how it relates to the type of family I wanted and the ability to put my husbands career first as I could get a job if he is ever transferred to a new location.

PS - Fertility and family planning are reasons why nursing and teaching are careers that appeal to women and why climbing corporate ladders or investing in education into fields that are not compatible with child birth don't.

I must agree with most of what she says. I have been a single dad with sole custody of three children, worked a full time job, paid her alimony AND child support (not a typo) and did all the functions of a housewife, homemaker, SAHM. Much to my surprise, the hype of ALL of the duties of a SAHM is really a product of poor time management. Laundry, children functions, cooking X3 meals and school lunches(snacks for after school sports), cleaning, even my own honey-do list was completed, with some effort but managed after working 9 hour days.

There were some hard to do things such as missing a day of work due to a child's illness, creative transportation schemes for getting three children to three different events, but I got it done (softball (school and travel ball), baseball, gymnastics, basketball, T&F, cheerleading, football, wrestling, and volleyball).

I could only imagine how much free time I would have on my hands if I didn't have a full time job to support my family. What a woman does at home when her children are at school that would prevent her from having a pristine home, dinner on the table and the time to help her children with homework is beyond me. I am no super dad, just a guy who managed a family without the other parent there.

This SAHM myth struggle is exactly that. A myth, I have, and still am experiencing this, with one child off to college, two moving up the the ladder of life, and my children becoming more and more autonomous, my job as mom is nearly non existent as they are now in High School, follow basic rules of the house, and can fend for themselves for the most part.

Even when they were entering elementary at the onset of my divorce, never did I experience the 'atrocities' of the SAHM as so many speak of. Most of the complaints come from women who have no semblance of how hard men work outside the home, and then return home only to do their 50% of the housework AND their part with the children. This works out to a 75/25 split in favor of mom.

There is a difference between missing a monthly report vs. missing that jar of mayonnaise or load of laundry on you daily schedules. So what if you don't make the cupcakes for little Johnnie's class, most moms nowadays buy them from the store anyhow (school health regulations). Have dad miss the morning meeting and see how often that will be allowed before he is fired.

Then the divorce - So he has been providing you food, shelter, vehicles, medical, dental and life insurance, spending money, the opportunity to have an autonomous life where you are free to do what you want, the opportunity to build the bond with your child/ren that you've always dreamed of when you found out you were pregnant; then you squawk that he owes you something in the divorce for all that you have done for him? You took care of his children...but that is what you dreamed of doing and you had no worries of living expenses.

Men don't owe women anything for the opportunity they gave their wives.

SAHM's after their children begin school are squatters. This is based on my experience as a SAHD who worked full time and exposed the real deal about SAHM's.

SAHM is a secret society of the indolent. Try working a full time position and impose the same expectations on yourself that you would impose on your husband and see how unfair things will really become for you.

Have you ever thought dad may want to enjoy all of the new moments in life that a young toddler experiences but misses them because he is working to support you so YOU can enjoy those once in a lifetime moments. He can always find a job but can never get those missed moments back.

I agree, usfspa. I personally got to experience all the stages in the cycle.

Stage 1: Working dad, equal split
My wife stayed home, initially to look after the puppies she wanted, then the kids. I worked a long day, she knitted in her spare time, and raised the kids. I heard the 'life is hard at home' story continuously.

Stage 2: Working dad, unequal split
She had issues with alcohol and dope, which later got much worse (too much time on her hands, she told me). She hated cooking, she hated cleaning. So my long day developed into long day + cook dinner + clean house + read to/entertain kids (=one exhausted man).

At one point I wore out so badly I didn't think I could do it anymore, and asked her if she'd consider a swap - she was always saying she was terribly bored at home, could she go to work and I'd take my turn at home with the kids? She was horrified, absolutely shocked. Her response was, quote, "If you think I'm going to go work whilst you sit at home and relax you've got another think coming! How dare you!"

Stage 3: Stay-at-home dad - briefly
Separation occurred, she left and I had to look after the kids. I briefly stopped working to manage the change-over. Apart from the looming money crisis life was great - I could see my kids every day, I could manage the household easily. And damn if SAHD wasn't a great place to be!

Stage 4: Working dad/Single Parent dad
My now ex demanded I go back to work, or she'd sue for custody of the kids she left behind, and since I needed to survive I did. I travelled 4 hours a day, worked 8, and still kept kids and house and life going. Mind you, I would never say it was easy, it was a manic time and I wore myself down doing it.

I fully agree that it's great women get the choices they do, I agree with Kris that women should have more flexibility with their choices so they aren't forced to chemically/surgically load up in order to choose career. I see that SAH choices are easier, at times, though they come with their own downsides, but that they are equally as key and essential to life.

My main gripe, as with most of us here I guess, is that men rarely get the same choices women do. So whilst I agree with improving their choices further, that's taking them from 90% towards the 100%, whereas men are still stuck down at the 50% mark. Bigger issue comes first.