NPO: New York Promoting Disneyland Dads

If the facts are as reported - this is outrageous. not only has David Schorr learnt his lesson and will in future allow his son to wrap him around his little finger, but any other divorced dad will learn the same lesson.

However, a number of commenters on the original article assume that 'there must be more to the story than that'. I don't want to make the same assumption, but neither do I want to automatically assume that there isn't. We just therefore have to be a little cautious.

I'm not on either parent's side, but generally in these types of situations I see two opposing forces at work that need to be balanced depending on how much the parents agree on discipline.

Force 1: The need for divorced parents to do all their parenting, including discipline, on their own time without infringing on the other parent.

Force 2: The need for divorced parents to have a united front when it comes to discipline including upholding the other parent's discipline.

Force 1 will be a concern when parents don't have similar attitudes about discipline or similar parenting styles. If parent A grounds or withholds privileges from child just before child is taken to parent B's home it will place a burden on parent B to enforce a punishment that parent A inflicted. Parent B may not feel the punishment is worthy and it may effect the plans parent B has for the child.

Force 2 works well when parents have similar parenting style and similar expectations and household rules. Parents will realize that enforcing the other parent's discipline will make manipulation of parents difficult for the child, and disciplined children grow up to be healthy adults. It's a win-win for everyone.

So far my main concerns in this case are the divorce dragging out, the psychologist's apparent delinquency (if her criticism of the father and recommendation a is truly based on this one incident), and everything being played out in the media. I don't know which parent is to blame for all this.

Just one note in defense of the mother. the way the article says the boy "tattled" on the father indicates that the father may not have informed the mother of what was going on and just returned the boy to her. Often single mothers feel overwhelmed that all or most parenting is placed on them while fathers resume single life. I know I would be expecting a "night off" if my children's father was coming to take the kids out for dinner. and I would be pissed if he returned them unfed, irritable and asking me for dinner at a late hour.

Force 1 also has the added problem of differentials in time. When you only get to see your child for two evenings every two weeks, having them grounded the whole time is unreasonable and unfair to both the child and the parent. Therefore, that parent with limited time is going to be far more forgiving, both with what is deserving of punishment, as well as what punishments will be used. This is a consequences of the current inequitable division of time. As such, if the parents want to shift to force two, it actually falls more on the parent with the greater parenting time to adjust their parenting style to that of the "visitor" parent, and then from there, they can progress to a more balanced arrangement.

While I don't know the details, regarding your defense of the mother... if she is seeking to strip the father of custody, it's hardly surprising that she would present the facts in a way that is least charitable of the father.