Syndicate
Special Thanks To...
The following organizations were early supporters of Mensactivism.org, and we thank them for their support. If you'd like to trade links with us, see our Mensactivism.org supporters page.
'How to Solve Nagging with Feminism'
Submitted by anthony on Thu, 2012-02-02 05:11
Article here. Excerpt:
'Nagging doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s usually the woman doing the nagging and the man feeling nagged. And it happens because of a power imbalance in the relationship: men have more power to blow off what women say to them, in almost every sphere of their lives. I’ve found this especially exaggerated in relationships where one partner stays at home and the other works full time.
I put a stop to the nagging cycle in my own marriage a few years ago, doing it exactly the way Marcotte describes. My husband is a feminist. He cares deeply about gender bias. But he’s still a guy who was raised with male privilege, and it’s not always visible to him when gender dynamics are at the root of a problem.
So I sat him down and made it clear that he could not “help” me with childcare or housework. Parenting the children and caring for our home are shared jobs that we’re equally responsible for. That means that not only is it his job to change half the diapers and fold half the laundry (roughly speaking), it is also his job to know that these things need to be done and take responsibility for doing them.'
- Log in to post comments
Comments
My comment, see if it gets published...
"So I guess, Sierra, that in embracing full equality via feminism you are also contributing exactly equally to all the household expenses and paying for half the cost of all dinners out, entertainment, etc., and you buy him flowers or something of equal value and appeal on Valentine's Day, birthdays, etc., have given up using sex as a means of manipulation (and forgive me if I am assuming something here that isn't true), as well as have stopped assuming or expecting any kind of so-called chivalrous behavior from your husband like having him open car doors for you, etc.?
I'm guessing this is true, yes? Is it?"
My Comment
I doubt they'll publish it. The truth stings.
I would highly recommend couples in a relationship where one person provides and the other nurtures not take your advice. This leads to an unfair division of labour, where the man is responsible for 100% of the finances, and 50% of the domestic chores. How would that be fair? The only way a relationship can be fair is if one person works, and the other stays home and takes care of the kids and house, or if both people work and both take care of the kids and house. It’s all about equality, is it not? Of course, Marcotte isn’t interested in equality. For those of you who don’t know, she’s a proponent of misandric gendercide (agentorangefiles.com)
Evan AKA X-TRNL
Real Men Don't Take Abuse!
Thanks for reply
Will comment/respond later. In the mean time, thanks for taking the time to respond substantively.
Thank You
Thank You for putting this site together! The world is a lot easier to handle when one can speak their mind with others who hold similar views. It's nice to know we're not alone.
By the way, my girlfriend totally agrees with us on this one. She's told me that she's heard her sister complain that her husband doesn't help out around the house enough. The thing is, she stays home and doesn't work. Jeani (my gf) told me afterwards that she thought it was really unfair of her sister to complain about that, if she doesn't work. I told her about this article, and we both had a good laugh about how illogical it was.
Evan AKA X-TRNL
Real Men Don't Take Abuse!
And thanks to you
Also for showing up to the party and being here to reply. :) But while I would love to claim credit for this site, really, I am just the busiest of editors on it. The site belongs to someone else; I am just the sexton*!
---
*Hyperlinking to the definition of "sexton" isn't meant to insult anyone. A lot of people have or have had to have this word defined for them at some point after they were of legal age, and I am one of them. But come to think of it, the word 'sexton' is associated with some morbid imagery, not sure if it's right to characterize myself that way in relation to MANN... oh well, what the hell, I'll stop over-thinking it and let it be! =)
OK, replying now (also, finally...)
I am thinking here about what happens if things do not work out. You said in your other post also to Kris in the thread about the Psychology Today article (your comment here) that one should not date someone who doesn't work. Granted, dating and marriage aren't the same thing, but forgive me if I am jumping to a conclusion, but it would seem to imply that the same advice would hold for marriage-- especially so given the risks associated with being the only income earner when a divorce comes along. I have known more than a few men who have fallen for being the "breadwinner and great defender of home and hearth, provider warrior-hunter man, etc., etc." only to get shafted and billed by cheating, bored housewives who complained about how they were soooo unfulfilled with roles that THEY wanted to have.
Really, the risk is too great. As I said to Kris, maybe there are rare exceptions where it makes sense to take that risk and do that kind of do, but for the typical couple, it's playing with loaded dice for the man-- and the dice are not loaded in his favor.
Agreed
The only real way a relationship works these days is if it's completely egalitarian. My relationship with Jeani is working out well because we both hold practically identical world views, and believe that all of the responsibilities inside and outside the home should be split 50/50. We both work, were each responsible for our own laundry, and both of us do the dishes and clean up. Also, she makes as much of an effort to do nice things for me as I do for her. I'm very lucky. Lol. I liked her from the start, but I knew she was my soul mate the first time I heard her use the term 'feminazi' to describe feminists.
Evan AKA X-TRNL
Real Men Don't Take Abuse!
Red herring of an article
This article naively presupposes that it is possible to have an equal distribution of power and responsibilities in modern marriage in western countries. In those countries, marriage turns women into slave-owners and men into slaves. It is thus not possible to obtain the fantasy objective referenced in the article. The reason women nag is because they have all the power in marriages, and the husbands know damn well that they had better conform to the wives' wishes or else they are going to divorce the husbands, take a lot of their possessions, hit them for alimony, estrange the kids from them, and get a heap of child support every month. That's why the nagging is going in one direction. Women are asserting the legal power that marriage provides.
Tackling it from a slightly different angle.
My Comment:
"In essence, I resigned my position as household CEO. It took a while for the changes to sink in. I did have to lower my standards somewhat and give him room to catch up. He needed time to learn what needs doing. "
I think you severely under valued this aspect. Feminists tend to think men have so much power and dominate a wife and household, yet right here you acknowledge that it was you, not him, that controlled the house, and it was only after you let that go, and allowed him to do things HIS way (even when they weren't up to your standards, until he could perfect it till it did meet you standards), was he allowed to participate. You are all so quick to blame men for their not taking part, and to label it male privilege, yet never do you consider your own part in all that. I was YOU that needed to give up the control, and when you did, he stepped in to fill the void, and you didn't immediately slap him down for the efforts, and let him adjust, he continued to do so. It was not him (alone) that was the problem. But this article is too busy man-bashing to hold yourselves accountable for your part in the problem.