Syndicate
Special Thanks To...
The following organizations were early supporters of Mensactivism.org, and we thank them for their support. If you'd like to trade links with us, see our Mensactivism.org supporters page.
Avoiding resentment when she out-earns him
Submitted by anthony on Mon, 2011-05-16 04:48
Letter here. Excerpt:
'Dear Carolyn:
What’s your opinion on women who grossly out-earn their partners? I’m a raging feminist yet have difficulty with the fact that I make much more than my boyfriend. He doesn’t have a college degree, so his lifetime salary ceiling is capped. If we ever buy a home together, I’ll have to pay more — but he can fix almost anything. Then I shudder to think “he’s earning his keep.”
How do people avoid resentment? If I made $250,000, I’d care less, but I don’t want to face a lifetime of struggling with bills and never feeling financially secure (especially once we have kids) while dealing with the fact that he can’t contribute equally.'
Carolyn replies:
'The lenses through which you’re viewing this situation aren’t doing you any good. Making it a male-female issue is a loser, because it’s breathtakingly unfair; you can’t demand/expect/capitalize on equal opportunity (“feminism”) and then be dismayed at or disparage the men you out-earn. The inevitable consequence of a bias-free system is that roughly half of the women in hetero couples will have to get used to the idea of making more than their sweetumses.'
- Log in to post comments
Comments
Have yet to hear of...
... a single instance where SHE was all fine and good with the fact that HE was not making as much as SHE was. Never once, not once.
Seems a lot of today's women want the financial aspects of feminist 'equality' while having the leverage on their bfs or husbands financially just in case things don't seem to work out... or perhaps get a kick out of being 'taken care of, you know, that way...'. So little seems to have really changed these past 40 years except in that men are in far worse shape than they have ever been in terms of where they stand is society but are still expected to cough up the cash at every turn and put up with it.
No wonder men are on a marriage strike (for the most part). What a sorry state of affairs we are in.
Exactly right Matt
And research shows women still seek men who earn more than they do. www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/8237298/What-women-really-want-to-marry-a-rich-man.html
And most men have no problem with their wives outearning them. www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23413243
Most working dads would quit or take a pay cut to spend more time with kids if their spouses could support the family. www.cnn.com/2007/US/Careers/06/13/dads.work/index.htm
Stop thinking of themselves as the only recipients
Traditional chivalry and gender roles puts women in the position of recipients of money, earned almost always by the man. It's very interesting how women don't want to give up this notion (alimony is alive and well, as is child support). In spite of all the feminist talk, all the bullshit about equality (and when it comes to doing things, it is most often just that -- bullshit), women still want to receive, chocolates on Valentine's day, trips to Hawaii, dinners at fancy places, etc. They think they are entitled to receive, without limit. Women are insatiable in this way. Men need to realize that there is no pleasing women in this respect. Sure, you may be able to parlay a dinner, into a one-night-stand, but that's just the beginning of financial servitude called marriage...
I saw this in the morning
I saw this in the morning and over the past 12 hours my view on this has completely reversed. In the end I have no problem with a successful woman who wants a man who makes an equal financial contribution. What I have a problem with are the type of women who get a degree in women's studies, choose to be a stay at home mom as their "career path", and still expect to marry a well-to-do upper-crust professional who does the dishes.
I also have a problem with the numerous comments threatening to take her "feminist card" away. Mostly from women admonishing this lady for not considering the other "contributions" the low income man could provide. Such as - housework, childcare, and "fixing things". See where they're going with this? So if the man earns less, he has a duty to do household chores. And if the man earns more, I suppose they would say that it's the woman's duty to do the dishes? No wait - according to the comments, true feminism means that women have a choice in that matter. Just not the men. These women! I suppose if her boyfriend was a disabled war vet, they'd support throwing him out on the curb.
Also - what is this whole thing about "fixing things" as if it's the poor man's providence? You know, how many presidents also built furniture, worked on farms, built houses? I'm sick of this brawn vs brains stereotyping. It implies that men who are good at working with his hands are unrefined and can't earn good money, or that intellectual men can't perform masculine tasks. It feeds into the notion of the "knowledge economy" favoring women because they are better suited to it than men (as opposed to more likely to work in the public sector).
Resentment
I believe the resentment is a left over gene memory from the caves where the female gave her favors to the male that dragged in the most meat.The female used her sexuality for survial for herself and her brood. ( the dawn of marriage and prostitution)..And furthermore I believe this is still happening in a more subtle way perhaps but still amounting to the same thing in many relationships. I've heard and read many times where a wife has said she loves her husband because... "he's a good provider" What's wrong with this picture ???
How do you avoid resentment?
How do you avoid resentment? Grow up and act like an adult.
Is it resentment ??
Are we really talking about resentment Or is it disgust ???
looking at the direction and speed
that our government is taking us into the crapper, we may soon have first
hand experience about how men and women reacted when living in caves and
fending for their lives.
i guess the guy with the biggest/best will get the women, today.
wait, that's what happens now.
the good news is that she will play he!! getting your future kill.
women will just drift to the guy with today's big kill.
wait, they do that now too.