Study: Women Are in Charge at Home

Any male that has lived for more than a few decades of life knows that women rule over most men, as the system has been set up that way. One of the reasons that so many men have been diagnosed with so many "mental" problems as of late as our natural way of being is being perverted thereby causing emotional distress en mass. Time for men to act as men, follow your instincts tempered with your own reason. The only true guide we need is to follow our instincts.

David A. DeLong

I was shocked to read this article. What? These guys have dominion over only two domains - the TV and the car? And they are both technical realms where women don't really care to run things, because they don't like to get into the details... so perhaps the dominion is really across the board... perhaps most of these marriages involve total control of the husbands by the wives...

I have read a lot of books and articles suggesting that men are better off if they don't get married. I wish I had really gotten that before I had gotten hitched. Some of us learn the hard way (unequal division of assets, child support, alimony, etc.). At any rate this article argues strongly for never getting married. This is most likely what it will come to for the man - subservience. If men have any self-respect, if they think of themselves as anything more than simply a slave to women, and admittedly that is hard to do these days with all the anti-male propaganda being thrown around, then they will refrain from getting married.

You can't do a lot about the divorce laws on your own. They are indeed unequal; until very large numbers of us get very loud we will continue to see unfair division of assets, alimony, and unconscionable child support orders as largely the norm. A prenuptial agreement can help, but only if its enforceable.

The relationship before, and during marriage doesn't have to be one where we are purely submissive. The problem with marriages is one of negotiation *before* marriage, and during. We are giving, and giving up a lot to get married, and taking some fairly large risks on things not going south. We need to negotiate fair value for that, we need to be better at the bargaining table (ask for the moon, even if what you really want is something less than that), and clearly define the terms better before we walk down the isle. We need to hold them to it, and keep negotiating during marriage. We hold their hearts, and their dreams in our hands too -- and far too often we forget this simple truth. It is our nature, inclination to fairness, and because of the high position we hold our beloved in that we will try to be overly kind, and try to smooth things over; too often, and for too many of us this means giving in when its not in our best interests, and even when it might not be in the best interests of us as a couple. This is where we need to be firm. What is the point of walking down the isle if one has sold themselves for pennies on the dollar in terms of exchange?

We take a considerable risk to take those vows, and because of that risk, we deserve, and should demand more than what we are. We are far more than the sum of our mistakes, accomplishments, assets, labor, protection/body guard, analytical voice of reason, sexual/physical comfort, and our earning power. We need to demand fair value for what we bring to the table, and for what we are giving up to make many of her dreams come to pass as "our" dreams.

My girlfriend considers me a prince among men, and I treat her very well, but I also ask for, and usually get quite a bit in exchange for that. While she is a kind, generous, and giving woman; it is only because I have stepped up, and asked for the things important to me, and made it known there are some very real limits to what I will tolerable, and have spelled out my expectations in a girlfriend, and in a wife very clearly that I am getting the things that I want out of it too. She balked quite a bit at first, even implying I was wholly unreasonable. She has come around, but it would have been much easier to "get along & go along" when the pouting, and "unreasonable" lines started. I was seriously insulted that she would think I was worth less -- ultimately she didn't, but she wasn't used to someone calling a spade a spade, and standing up for themselves in spite of her displeasure with it. Those negotiations are reciprocal; she gets many things she asks for as well, and there is little she could ask me that I wouldn't make an attempt to do. She submits to me, and I to her, but ultimately, except in a very few areas, she will submit to me in a disagreement where we can't come to terms. It was the agreement we made, and live by. I don't push that power for trivial things, but I do use it when the decision will matter years down the line, when I know I am right, and it will cost us both if the other path is taken. Marriage doesn't have to be the death of yours dreams; it only is if you let it be.

I am fortunate with this one, as beyond the initial shock to her system this was not a hard negotiation. At the end of the day, she is just as vulnerable to me, as I to her. So long as she knows my happiness, and well being are just as important as hers, and considers it in her actions -- the arrangement we have negotiated will continue to work for both of us. In essence it is a form of mutual submission, with a veto power that she accepted me to wield because she knows to the very core of her being that I consider her happiness in all I do as well.

Don't let a few bad experiences turn you bitter, and if you have; know that you don't have to stay there. By all means be picky, screen heavily, choose very carefully, and give it plenty of time to vet her credentials. We were not made to walk alone through this world. Decent women are still out there, they are just a minority when it comes to this. If you find one, realize her worth, and hang on to her.

10 years ago, even 5 years ago I never would have even entertained what I have now.

This is totally impossible. Everyone knows that in relationships women are in a state of complete existential powelessness and men are patriarchal bullies, because feminists keep on telling us so. All the legal power to destroy men is only a small compensation for this complete helplessness.