Psychologist demolishes anti-shared parenting claims

Submitted by Matt on Mon, 2009-09-07 02:39

Article here. Excerpt:

'This article by Peter Tromp who is a Dutch child and educational psychologist, is, for my money, the best, most comprehensive argument for equally shared parenting in existence. In one piece, he lays out the overwhelming case for equally shared parenting along with a good bibliography in support.

As an exercise, first read Tromp's piece and then read the paper by NAWL, the Canadian women's law association which opposes equally shared parenting. Compare the two. Tromp's evidence is voluminous, comprehensive and compelling. The NAWL paper relies on misinformation and anti-father bias to see it through. Comparing the two is like comparing Tolstoy to a comic book.

Tromp begins by reciting the well-established benefits of connecting children and parents post-divorce. But he adds a few notions I wasn't aware of. In the first place, he cites studies from as far back as 1980 that show that, in a wide variety of ways, children growing up in shared parenting arrangements do better than those with a single parent. Those include better educational outcomes, better health outcomes, better psychological outcomes, less involvement in drugs and crime, etc.'

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where i have 1st hand knowledge. the wife of my youth
and i divorced with a very young son. from her actions it became obvious she wanted a LOT more $$ than i could make as a tradesman. she was hot, so she had her
pick of rich potential husbands. one problem. me.

she didn't want me around. she was selling a package deal, and i wasn't in it.
it was a bloody mess all the way through. she used the cops & courts like they
belonged to her. she said it, that was gospel. i wasn't allowed to see my son.
let's just say i saw how sorry our judicial system is, up close. men have NO rights
when evil sits w/ a robe in judgement.

several years later i was lied to about birth control and had another son.
dna testing was new, but i insisted. she knew
up front of my past misfortune, so we worked out an "agreement" to share custody.
i wasn't about to repeat the 1st disaster if possible. so we gave it a try.
btw, the folks at the c.s. nightmare tried over and over again to get her to put the law on me, but she didn't want a battle. lucky for me.

i was actually "allowed" to have a relationship w/ my youngest. it was really great.
i must say that she abused our agreement from time to time. she well knew she had the upper hand, still.

examples: she would, on a whim, deny my (agreed upon) visitation, her new husband resented
having to come up w/ half of the private school, and i was sometimes required to pony up. he also thought i should pay for everything, and pay her some outrageous c.s. as well.
none of us was hurting financially though. i also wound up paying the bulk of his college.

the original verbal agreement was to be a 50-50 split of everything, w/ her's as primary residence.

But, overall, we worked thru it, and it was ten thousand times better than what i was expecting from past experience.

today, i have no relationship at all w/ my oldest. his mom openly detests my family, and is still using him to gain wealth from one of her wealthy x- husbands (long story). the youngest and i have a pretty good relationship overall. i am his dad.

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Submitted by daveinga on Mon, 2009-09-07 14:01

One would only have to assume that after reading this there would be a mad rush to "fix" things post haste. Ah, but that would make sense wouldn't it? The powers that are in control wouldn't be able to have their fun now would they? Good article, but most of us already knew all this right? Ah progress, no matter how miniscule.

David A. DeLong

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Submitted by David A. DeLong on Mon, 2009-09-07 19:30