Fatherhood can be a thankless job

Submitted by anthony on Wed, 2009-06-24 20:01

Essay here. Excerpt:

'Last Fathers' Day, U.S. President Barack Obama, so eloquent on most occasions, chose not to celebrate good fathers but to rant about "deadbeat dads." David Warren hasn't repeated that mistake. His Saturday column, "In praise of patriarchs" is excellent (and not only because of his reference to the books that I have written with Katherine Young). In the hope his article will jump-start a public discussion of fatherhood, I offer the following comments.
...
I'm dismayed, therefore, to find that our society seems hell-bent on undermining the culture of fatherhood (or whatever remains of that culture). My research with Katherine Young indicates that every person and every group, to have a healthy identity, must be able to make at least one contribution to society that is distinctive, necessary, and publicly valued. Now that women can take over two of the three historic functions of men, provider and protector (if necessary with the state's help), only progenitor remains. And to be a progenitor in any meaningful sense is to care for children in the ways that I've outlined here, not merely to contribute a teaspoonful of sperm or even a monthly cheque. Boys must know that society will indeed need them to make at least this one contribution.'

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Father's day, better late than never:

Here's a thank you to all the good fathers out there, and the men fighting for fathers' rights, and to the men that are not biological fathers but act as a father figure to a child in need of one.

Many of you know that I am adopted. I thank God for the mother that chose to give me life in a difficult situation, and all the men that helped along the way. This would include the fathers that were in my foster homes (I don't know how many homes I was in up to age three) and all the significant men in my life.

Of course I would not be the person I am today if it was not for my 'REAL' father. This is the father that raised me. He gave me love, discipline and praise. He was always the provider and the protector. My dad was never gender biased when it came to sports. He taught me how to fight (he was a wrestling coach). I still have the confidence that I can take anyone down in 3 moves.

Even though he swore he would never forgive me for having children out of wedlock and that he would never rescue me from what he felt was a doomed situation, he did anyway. He is a wonderful and a very involved grandfather to my boys.

Then there's the father of my two boys. He changed my life forever. Whether I love him or hate him, I do respect that he does the best he can. He raised himself and had no father to show him the way or give him confidence or encouragement. He convinced me to keep my oldest son, and because he stayed with me it resulted in our second child. He told me he would provide for the family, and for several years he supported me and the kids 100% even after we broke up. This allowed me to stay home and nurture my babies. I was able to breastfeed and keep them out of daycare, a luxury that many women do not get. He's got a lot of demons to fight. I hope one day he realizes that he can be a good dad and will reconnect with his kids.

My brother: We share the same birth mother making him my only biological relative (other than my children). He is the keeper of my secrets. He takes his role as uncle very seriously and has acted as a father to my children. He is now expecting his first child with his wife and I know he will be a great dad.

My future husband (that's right!). I am getting married in a few days to the greatest guy. He is prepared to be a father to my children. Like the many men that adopt children (as my own father did), he sees the value and enjoyment of family life, and has always wanted a traditional family as much as I have.

I also give thanks to my uncles, brother-in-laws and male cousins who have stepped up to the plate in being a positive male role model to my boys and have taken them hunting, fishing and camping, and all the other 'guy' stuff.

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Submitted by Kris on Sat, 2009-06-27 05:59

manonthestreet

I don't know if fatherhood is a thankless task or not. The trouble is it is not possible to know for sure until all the process has been gone through. That's the way it is with me. So now having gone through it I now see it as part of the con, a deep pit that a man falls, or is pushed, into and from which there is no escape.

So for me there is nothing good that can be said about fatherhood. A thought I extend to marriage and women in general.

I actually think those that have had their children taken away from them when the children are young are is some sense the lucky ones. If it was not for the concurrent theft of their income and property they would have in a sense got off lightly.

So it is the devil and the deep blue sea - your ripped off if they leave and equally ripped off if they stay.

Of course if you have not lived this experience ( as I have and have)and endured the misery of grow up children you will have no emotional framework to understand the truth of what I write.

You have to understand women have no use for men other than for what they can extract from them. It is better you should see women like some hostile alien animal. There is nothing good in them.

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Submitted by trotter on Sun, 2009-06-28 19:35