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Madonna syndrome: I should have ditched feminism for love, children and baking
Submitted by Broadsword on Sat, 2009-02-07 18:47
Article here. Excerpt:
"I never thought I would be saying this, but being a free woman isn't all it's cracked up to be. Is that the rustle of taffeta I hear as the suffragettes turn in their graves? Possibly. My mother was a hippy who kept a pile of (dusty) books by Germaine Greer and Erica Jong by her bed (like every good feminist, she didn't see why she should do all the cleaning). She imbued me with the great values of choice, equality and sexual liberation. I fought with my older brother and won; at university I beat the rugby lads at drinking games. I was not to be messed with.
Now, nearly 37, those same values leave me feeling cold. I want love and children but they are nowhere to be seen. I feel like a UN inspector sent in to Iraq only to find that there never were any weapons of mass destruction. I was led to believe that women could “have it all” and, more to the point, that we wanted it all. To that end I have spent 20 years ruthlessly pursuing my dreams - to be a successful playwright. I have sacrificed all my womanly duties and laid it all at the altar of a career. And was it worth it? The answer has to be a resounding no...
...
Increasing numbers of my feminist friends are giving up their careers for love and children and baking. I wish I'd had kids ten years ago, when time was on my side, but the problem is not so much time as mentality. I made a conscious decision not to have serious relationships because I thought I had all the time in the world."
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Comments
And who pays for this life at home?
So she has decided she should have stayed at home and raised kids. And of course, had a husband pay for it.
Funny dichotomy I have found in both masculism and feminism; in both cases the question is left unanswered: Who takes care of the kids? Ie, someone has to raise and pay for the kids, and feminists think it's bad to expect women to do the child-rearing, but if they do, they should get extraordinary rights over the child and the father's income. Well no fun for dad there and a great way to incent men to do whatever it takes to stay child-free (and wife-free too). So the other approach is that women just shouldn't have kids, as having kids represents an unfair burden on them. So no kids at all, no problem. Well wait-- who replaces us when we die? So there's a problem for the human race when women stop having kids; it's called survival.
OK, now onto the masculist approach. Have kids: Traditional role of men is good and women should be glad to be Betty Crocker, however dad has the financial burden at 100% (or almost) and the justification under law and practicality grants women the right to claim some part of his income should they split up (ie, the typical approach), but masculists are likely to argue that the real traditional approach is that the father keep the children; after all, he paid for them, right? But fairness says that that isn't a just approach either as the kids, no surprise, also love their mother, and to categorically place the children in the father's custody after divorce regularly disincents women from having kids. Again, we're fracked. Other major school of thought in masculism: Men, just don't have kids. As long as you have kids, you're screwed no matter what. As the father in Father Knows Best, you are largely a meal ticket and the butt of jokes, as you are at work all the time paying for these damned kids and that woman you married-- and on the hook if she leaves you. Now, if you have kids but this is done under the current feminist model of family dissolution, you are utterly shafted 8 ways from Sunday and we already have a long list of reasons why that is.
So the end is this: There is no way to have kids under the two systems of thought if implemented categorically in a society. We're at a deadlock.
What modern societies now need is a whole new paradigm for how to reproduce that can avoid disincenting reproduction and reward, albeit modestly, reproduction (we don't want to go too hog-wild here-- there are 6 billion+ of us already!), and defend the rights and interests to a reasonable degree of ALL parties involved.
OK, any takers on this $100,000 question?
Two words
WHO CARES?
(Not about your comments or your intent in posting the article, but about yet another self-entitled feminist's whining).
I'll have a go
OK, any takers on this $100,000 question?
Let societies that have made childbearing and child-rearing impossible pay the price, i.e. slow, natural extinction due to behavioral maladaptation. Problem solved.
I am so glad I had my
I am so glad I had my children young. I did everything opposite of what most feminist would do and my life is happy and satisfying. I have proved everyone wrong as my friends and family all thought my life would be over and full of regrets when I gave up my career to have my fist child.
However, I also know that it would not be possible if their father did not support our choice to have a parent stay home to raise the kids. Some one has to raise kids. Either a parent stays home or parents rely on strangers at day care at a high price.
It sounds like the woman who wrote the article is wanting a change her feminist ways, but if she remains true to feministic ways, and still wants a child, she will probably try to adopt a child as a single mother without any regard to having a father in the home.
Most likely she'll simply
Most likely she'll simply get pissy and blame the out group, err men anyway.
I use to want to get married and have children, even though I know I would be a loving father, I don't trust women anymore ESPECIALLY after age of 30 since they most likely have no need for a walking wallet, but a sperm donor and a husband for social status to divorce. The few desirable women that might make a decent mother to our children are all married or involved in a relationship.
I refuse to adopt a kid by getting in a relationship with some, "I was a victim in previous relationship" single mommy.
I encourage all my friends to co-habitat, not marry, and if they want kids to get involved with someone who makes around the same income. And point out the emotional psychological abuse some of their wives commit against them, trying to get one friend to divorce his wife atm, she's pyscho threatening to kill herself if he leaves and then commences to cut him down every chance she gets, doctor said she can't get pregnant so that's the only way she can control him.
Oh, and right, WHO CARES about some Feminist hate group lacky.