Murray Straus and Corporal Punishment

Jack Kammer has mentioned the idea of "envelopement" by the woman. The way I read him is that he is at least partly referring to, how the woman will often tightly clamp her legs shut around the man, when getting close to climax while in the missionary position. Sounds to me like it makes a lot of sense, expecially if the woman has strong legs, like Tonya Harding (remember the video?).

Sorry if that's a little too graphic. I feel I have to make this apology to Americans because they are so uptight about sexual issues.

-ax

What you are describing is part of just plain having sex, for some people anyway. Different people have different reactions as they approach orgasm. Women tightening their legs around the man's hips is not unlike a man getting close to orgasm and thrusting harder. Mammalian sex is usually "violent" (in the classic sense, meaning there is a great deal of movement and force exerted in the process) and so things like that happen.

If you were suggesting that a woman gripping a man's hips with her legs as she approaches orgasm while they are shagging is somehow coerecive to the man-- well then you've lost me there.

I think the following is a more common scenario of a typical feminine means of coercion, and a true story. I had a friend in college who had sex with a girl who hung out around his group of friends. The next day she came back to his room and told him she wanted to have sex with him again. He told her he didn't. She told him she wouldn't leave until he did and hinted at saying things about him to others that would be unflattering at least or slanderous at worst, possibly getting him into serious trouble with his other friends, true or not. This went on for about an hour. Finally, he had sex with her just to get rid of her. True story here. So aside from overt use of or threats of force, there are other ways to coerce. This girl used "social fallout" as the means.

One could argue (actually, it's been pointed out since time immemorial, until the notion of a "rape culture" came along), that the man must use a little "force" or shall we say naturally superior strength, to overcome the natural resistance of the female - such as leaning into her to kiss her, while they're both sitting on a couch or love seat. However, any man (at least on a date) who does this nowadays, may end up in trouble, since the woman who wants to accuse him out of, say, spite or revenge later, might say that what he did amounted to force. Or she might at least say she had a "general feeling of being coerced". That type of argument goes a long way these days. In other words, ultimately, it could be considered some form of psychological coercion, and that is the key - because..

when a woman locks her legs firmly, that is her way of saying, "don't stop..don't back out now" which in my opinion and apparently Kammer's, could be considered to be just as much psychological coercion as the above scenario (if not moreso). And remember, when it comes down to the psychology of it, the point is not whether the man actually tried to withdraw at that moment, any more that it is the issue where in the case of a woman, she offered very little resistance when being leaned into.

Besides, I don't for one moment believe that there have not been countless billions of times, where a man suddenly had second thoughts about a particular woman, in the middle of the act (after all, that is the "moment of truth"), and at least momentarily considered withdrawing, but did not because he didn't want to disappoint the woman or be considered a jerk, or for any number of reasons..in combination with her at that moment having her legs locked or say, being on top. I know that has been my experience a couple times.

Remember, it only seems like a "normal part of sex" if you did not indeed have these second thoughts. At least that is effectively the logic as applied in the case of women these days.

-ax

I wonder if Dr. Straus has any data on what family of origin factors might motivate women to use sex as a weapon to coerce and control men?

Maybe NOT being spanked when they acted out as children?

And, how come being spanked is now portrayed as erotic? I've heard that you can actually watch entire movies dedicated to spanking. Pass the popcorn...

(BTW, I do not believe in nor have I ever practiced corporal punishment. I did slap my ex-wife on her butt once because she asked the dreaded "Does this dress make my booty look too big?" question.)

I say this as someone who grew up getting spanked. I don't think that getting spanked had any adverse psychological effects on me, but when I have kids, I'm not gonna spank them. I think there are better ways to punish children. You just have to be creative. The best punishment is one where they know they did something wrong, and have something taken away, and then blame themselves for misbehaving. That's how you get kids to behave!

This study yielded some interesting results, but I don't think they're truly relevant. Everybody has a different personality and that's what determines how aggressive people are when it comes to sex. I also think that experience is a factor. For instance, I would not feel comfortable trying to coerce someone into having intercourse, as I've never been successful in doing so.

BTW, it's interesting because I admit that I find spanking to be kind of erotic. Perhaps cause I was punished that way as a child. I also enjoy being called a bad boy. Sorry if that's TMI.

Evan AKA X-TRNL
Real Men Don't Take Abuse!