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Very funny article. I can't stand to be in the room or even a house where those made for TV movies are on, particularly ones on this channel. They have a weird light cast out of them, creepy kind of gloom rays being projected.
Ditto Soap Operas. I can't even stand to hear one of those on in the background or pass through a room where one is playing. There is the eerie light that comes out of the TV on such shows, I swear it! I've never actually watched a Soap Opera but I get this creepy feeling in my spine during the 7 seconds or so it takes me to get the hell out of range of one.
Those Lifetime movies have the same creepy rays as Soap Operas.
Anyone else ever notice this light thing? I'm not describing it very well.
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by Anonymous User on Friday April 04, @02:25PM EST (#4)
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((("Anyone else ever notice this light thing?")))
YES!
I have, Lorianne. It is, indeed a sort of creepy dim light.
It reminds me of the kind of lighting one encounters in nightmares. At least as I have heared others describe nightmares. Includeing many I have had, myself.
Luckily, I have never had the mis-fortune of seeing anything on LIFETIME, on account of I only have basic television. But I have heared many a horror story about this "net work". And it doesn't suprise me that the lighting on LIFETIME is comparable to that of soap operas.
Is there some law written some where that says any shows aimed at women must be required to have creepy, dusky, depressing, nightmare-like lighting? You'd think so, wouldn't you...?
Thundercloud.
(I have enough agravation.)
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"After the movie was over my wife promptly came upstairs to my office and wacked me across the back of the head saying "If you ever did that to me I’d give you a Bobbit and feed it to the dog". Of course I recoiled at the thought of that. I proclaimed my innocence and cursed the wicked channel that is Lifetime TV! "
--------------------------------------------------
I'd just like to know why you're blaming the TV while absolving the watcher; I think that was a cue to pack your bags and seek a decent woman; If any woman ever said or did anything to me like that, it would be the last thing she said or did to me-- I'd have been gone like JFK-- and taken the dog with me!
(If you don't believe me-- I just did!)
Feminist tripe is, no doubt, infiltrating our media, and likewise I have learned that women don't have half the sense they claim, however that's no excuse for that type of abusive attitude or behavior, for that same reason you have to assert yourself in order to keep them in line by presenting yourself as a superior, and should try to be an equal no more than with a child, i.e. be friendly but firm. It's not feminism that's to blame for uppity females so much as wishful thinking among men that they can have it all in one person, and skip the middleman. We see the same thing going on with parents trying to be "friends" -- not parents--with their kids; the result was Generation X.
Experience and careful analysis has strongly suggested to me that most women simply don't have the capacity for abstract reasoning common in most men, which allows them to understand basic principles of morality and ethics-- at least enough to realize that it's right to treat others the way you want to be treated; I think this is the reason most men have affairs becase their "wife doesn't understand them:" they are somehow hooked on the hopeless impression that this is a realistic goal! In most cases, it ISN'T.
The moral is that men simply have to stop dreaming and realize that if they don't stand up and wear the pants-- women will.
While I think that protesting feminist media is a good thing, I think it's just a symptom of the greater illness of liberalism, i.e. hypocrisy and denial.
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I always felt the same way; whenever I was home sick from school as a kid, I used to be really dubious about those weird shows which would come on about noon-- the ones with the really bright lights, and where everyone was terrified and hypertensive all the time, and where the plots were REALLY boring, nonsensical, and impossible to follow; I thought their purpose was to ruin daytime TV so kids would go to school and not play hookey!
As for Lifetime TV, the anti-male victimhood is so thick you can taste it; the message is ALWAYS clear that "women are good and men are bad"-- END OF STORY! The hypocrisy is even worse in that they don't even seem to realize or care that gender-bigotry is the basis of their entire movement-- it's as hypocritical as the selective outrage displayed by various racial and ethnic groups which literally scream and protest about offenses against their "kind," but don't even wink at offenses BY them-- and even tend to SANCTION such as a sign of their superiority!
(Examples are the callous response by various women to men injured by society as a result of various double-standards-- I'm sure you can think of plenty).
The fact that they do this so blatantly, only proves they've lost touch with reality and everything else.
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Lifetime TV. How wonderful. You too, Girlfriend, can be as tough as John Wayne, as Sexy as Marilyn Monroe, and as Rich as Bill Gates, the perfect Mom a la Carol Brady, and the career woman. A perfect Princess in all ways. YOU can have it ALL!
It's amazing to me how women work so hard to make reality match fantasy. Hello? McFly?
Someone recently sent me an email titled 26 things a perfect guy would do. I thought "hmm, nobody could possibly send me anything so stupid, it can't possibly be as dumb as it sounds." I stand corrected. The email was just as advertised: a wish list of how women supposedly want men to act, as if men in this country weren't already an episode of Friends away from turning into giant walking vaginas.
I never thought I'd ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly, and this is after having read the details of an anal prolapse that a friend sent me tonight. Here is the list, followed by my response to each "thing" that a "perfect guy would do:"
1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that shit makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Law and Order, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job, dumb ass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshit. When I want something, I say so. It's called having a pair. Hinting and being cute, hmm, if I did that, I'd be ... a woman! Hey, here's an idea, bitch. If me being a man offends you so much, become a lesbian!
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore! Gah! Just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
15. Never run out of love.
Another example of a door that swings both ways. What this translates to is "Never get tired of putting up with my moodiness, and always forgive me even after I've fucked him over." One of these days a woman is going to stop and say to herself, "Maybe I shouldn't, I'm just not worth it." Yeah, right. You'll know this has happened when the Earth stops spinning on its axis.
16. Be funny, but know how to be serious
17. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.
I've just put these two together, they amount to the same thing: Read my mind. Christ, it's been what, fifty fucking thousand years and woman still can't get it through their head that the Y chromosome doesn't carry a telepathy gene.
18. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
A prime example of my "Bitch Goddess" theory; I swear to God, it's no wonder women don't change lightbulbs, because they just stand there waiting for the world to revolve around them. Listen, girls, it's not that fucking hard. Reservations are at 7:30. It take a half hour to get there. It takes two hours for you to primp and put the war paint on. A half hour for you to shower, or however long it takes to run out all the fucking hot water. That's three hours. 7:30 - 3 equals get your ass in the shower no later than 4:30. Like men do. And sometime during the week this plan has been announced, you could take ten minutes and make sure you have an "outfit" picked out. Like we care what it looks like, it's just wind up crumpled on the floor. Sorry, I forgot. Math is hard. And you wonder why you get treated like a dumb bimbo.
19. Smile a lot
You know, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 16 to smile, but only four to flip the bird the rat bastard that pissed you off. We'll leave being emotionally fake to the women, who are such experts at it, thank you very much.
20. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.
Oh, there's a winner there. After all the years of "Be Real" the truth is out, "Be Fake." And women wonder why so many men won't accept no as the real answer.
21. Appreciate you.
Now, WTF does this mean? Honest to Christ, appreciate is one of these subjective ambiguous words that are so overused by PC pop psychologists on Oprah (And we won't name names but his initials are PHIL.) that they don't mean a goddam thing anymore. It's weaselspeak.
22. Help others out.
Translation: Buy into my idealized, socialist, worldview and devote time and energy to meaningless causes that are run by scam artists. Like PETA, Greenpeace, and all this other horsecrap. It's called having a job, making a living, and not frittering our time away sticking our noses into other people's business. You should try it sometime.
23. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.
I don't know which friends the guys you date have, but to me it sounds like he doesn't want to tip them off that he's a closet heterosexual. I'd keep a closer eye on him, Lady. And check for hickeys after a night out with "The Boys" if you catch my drift.
24. Sing, even if he can't.
What kind of songs is the question? I can get with me mates and toss back a few and start in on some bawdy old drinking songs; like "Rosin the Beau" or "The Old Dun Cow." But I'm willing to bet that this woman doesn't have this in mind. She wants to be serenaded like some Senorita out of a 1940's black and white movie. I'll tell you what - I'll start acting like Clark Gable if you all Start behaving and dressing like a young Elizabeth Taylor.
25. Have a creative sense of humor.
What women need to understand is that the male and female sense of humor works differently. Men find the Three Stooges, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy and the like funny. Women don't. What this woman wants is for a man to act like a woman with a schlong.
26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs just because he loves you that much to quit it.
It's the old "Test of Love" thing once again. Notice that this woman did not actually say that any of these things bothered her; she just wants to know that you are subject to beeing guilted and emotionally manipulated. Yeah, huh.
I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful, like stir some acid with my Johnson./
---- Burn, Baby, Burn ----
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Wow, this made me realize just how feminized we've become, i.e. brainwashed into pretending you like things you actually hate, to appear to get into her touchy-feely world so you don't come off as "insensitive," when in comparison, she wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.
However, as for "Law and Order," I stopped watching that BECAUSE they were doing so much male-bashing that it looked like Lifetime channel on NBC, from cutting down men who married foreign brides to deliberately making the most offensive statements; has it gotten better? Not that I'm the forgiving type when it comes to television....
Finally, I guess the initials "PHIL" stand for "Pussywhipped Hypocritical Insecure Lapdog."
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by Anonymous User on Saturday April 05, @02:56PM EST (#7)
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Gonzo just illustrated more clearly than I have ever been able to, personaly, as to why I am and plan on ALWAYS being SINGLE!
Thanks, Gonz.
It seems to me that too many women want a feminized, lap-dog automaton. Not a man.
And as for "smileing cutely" when hit, by a woman. Well, I'll "smile cutely" when you hit me if you'll "Smile cutely" when I hit you back, for hittin' me, doll.
American women, seem to really beleive that life is some kind of sit-com they are starring in, or something.
I think when these women wake up to reality and realize that this is not some freaking sit-com, soap opera, Harliquinn romance novel, or chic-flick but REAL LIFE, things will get better for them. ...And US!
Ladies, If you want a truely good realationship with a man, Here's a bit of freindly advise...;
Be prepared to put INTO the realationship EXACTLY what you want out of it. Then and ONLY then will it "work".
Oh, and one more thing, for you, gals.
You'll get much better results if you stop looking for "Mr. Right", and start looking for "Mr. REAL".
...Jeeze..., I'm suprised that we even have to EXPLAIN things like this!
'guess I shouldn't be.
Thundercloud.
(I have enough aggravation.)
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by Anonymous User on Monday May 26, @03:15AM EST (#8)
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Gonzo, I hope you gave credit to the person who wrote the aricle you copied off of. I see you have made additions to it, but the majority of it is word-for-word.
HINT: http://maddox.xmission.com/26_things.html
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