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A Male Victim and a Female Abuser Speak Out On Domestic Violence
posted by Nightmist on Tuesday April 09, @06:13AM
from the domestic-violence dept.
Domestic Violence My latest column is a Part II to "Broken Silence," my column two weeks ago about a mainstream columnist's admission that he purposefully ignored studies on male victims of domestic violence in favor of reporting on females. In Part II, I have suspended my normal editorializing in favor of allowing a male victim of domestic violence and a female who once committed domestic violence against her boyfriend to tell their stories on the issue of male victims. The column will also run today on Wendy McElroy's ifeminists.com. In addition to the two main sources, you're going to find some useful information herein from some other names you should easily recognize if you've been perusing this site (or men's issues in California and the Arizona desert) for a while.

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'A Male Victim and a Female Abuser Speak Out On Domestic Violence' | Login/Create an Account | 12 comments | Search Discussion
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That interviewee could easily have been me. (Score:1)
by The Gonzo Kid (NibcpeteO@SyahPoo.AcomM) on Tuesday April 09, @07:53AM EST (#1)
(User #661 Info)
I'm always staggered when I hear stories of DV against men and see just exactly how they parallel mmy own story. It's been a hard few years since my divorce in the first place even coming to terms with the words "Domestic Violence" and applying it to myself.

I was raised with the idea to "Never hit a girl." Ever. Not even in self defense. One of my most unpleasant memories of childhood is standing and waiting for the belt from my father, with my jeans torn, and my shin in need of stitches from where a classmate - an 8 year old girl - kicked me in my shins. I got my butt blistered for pushing her down.

My ex-wife learned early - after the first time she struck me, and I walked out of the house - that she could get away with it. She eventually learned to marshall my family agfainst me - wait till I left, and call, in tears, and I would have my father, in short order, tracking me dopwn to lecture me. To this day he is in denial about the existance of DVAM. He still treats my ex as his daughter in law, wrongfully divorced by myself, which is a main reason he and I have not talked as father and son in ten years, nor really communicated at all in four. And I don't see it changing anytime realistically.

People in these situations (And I refer to the latter part of the article) do not, though, normally have that support of family and friends - really even of themselves. I can't count the number of men that I have talked to, who sit there, blood running down their face, who deny, deny, deny that they have been abused - they say it is somehow "their" fault. They provoked it. They drove their wives/girlfriends to it. The pathology, psychologically speaking, is the same as female victims. Except women are taken seriously.

There is where the rage comes from - The one time I worked up the resolve to call the police, they came out, saw my bruises, saw the blood on my lip, saw the shattered glass in my hair and all over the kitchen - then saw my ex-wife's crocodile tears and I was the bad guy. Never even took a report. Asked her if she wanted to press charges, and made me leave for 48 hours.

Women don't lie. Yeah right. Give any segment of the population to have power over another segment - to have their claims believed on face value, without quewsttion, and to be acted on, and they will abuse it. Women have nothing to lose by lying - even if caught in a lie about DV, they won't be prosecuted because it isn't PC.

The truth is, MEN don't lie. Reporting DV gets you the same respect as reporting leprechauns, and it wouldn't matter if you had one of the little green SOB's in a wedgie-lock. Same thinmg with DV - despite the lip-service paid to treating DVAM just as seriously, reality is you'll be snickered at, made jokes about, and dismissed - and even if prosecuted, sje'll be pled out with a misdemeanor at best - unless, like Finley, there are enough witnesses to make brushing it under the rug not doable.

I recognize the person refrerred to anonymously. I wonder if anyone recognizes the significance that even under the anonymity of the internet, he still feels he has to hide who he is?

Do you realize what that says about how sick and evil our society is?

---- Burn, Baby, Burn ----
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Compelling Article (Score:0)
by Anonymous User on Tuesday April 09, @10:53AM EST (#3)
James has outdone himself in this compelling article. He even explains why most men fail to recognize themselves as victims of DV. It is our cultural conditioning that interferes in the process.

Good Job!

warble


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Column goes international (Score:2)
by Nightmist (nightmist@mensactivism.org) on Tuesday April 09, @02:47PM EST (#5)
(User #187 Info) http://www.jameshanbackjr.com
Folks,

I found two links to my domestic violence series here:

http://www.antifeminist.nu/message.php?MessageID=2 350

Can someone tell me what language this is and where I can get a translation of the comment above the links?

Thanks.

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