Juggling life as both Mr. Wallet and Mr. Mom

Article here. Excerpt:

"Deadbeat dads, ghost dads, Disneyland dads, Santa daddies: The divorce culture is rich in labels, especially ones that reduce men to negative stereotypes.

Some may be warranted, but the trouble with simplistic labels is that they rarely shed light on the complex truth of reality.

What is forgotten is that fathers have their own painful adjustment to divorce that is different than that faced by mothers.

I have heard some of that truth from men who write to me and agree to tell their stories.

If the stereotype is that men have a tendency to suffer in silence, the reality is that they no longer want to."

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Comments

And it was written by a woman, no less. It's nice that some women actually give a damn about men, and fight the negative stereotypes, instead of furthering them. It was nice to read about how some divorced dads are still being an active part of their children's lives, rather than being shut out for no reason. I'm gonna write Sarah a thank you letter.

Evan AKA X-TRNL
Real Men Don't Take Abuse!

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If the stereotype is that men have a tendency to suffer in silence, the reality is that they no longer want to.

----------------------------------------------------
Single men is the only social group benefited from feminism.

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A very well written and balanced article by a female journalist no less!

As a divorced dad with absolutely no intention of ever marrying again, I can attest to the fact that it is only after the divorce that a man gets to see and understand the true nature of the woman he married.

I have yet to meet a divorced guy whose opinion of his ex- improved after the split.

Which suggests women are very good at the charade of marriage, and when it ends, they show their true faces.

And most women will use the kids as weapons once they can't use sex to manipulate a former husband.

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I will probably never get married. I've heard too many horror stories.

Evan AKA X-TRNL
Real Men Don't Take Abuse!

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The author of the piece quotes Warren Farrell as saying,

"Some of them [the newly-divorced fathers] grew up with the old-fashioned notion that a father's love is expressed solely through what he provides financially.."

Ridding ourselves of the psychologist-like mentality of the above statement, we see that it is more accurate to say, "the newly-divorced fathers (and fathers in general), have always been required, and always only allowed, to express love through what they provide financially. They have been, and are still, considered by both the mother and society to be wallets with legs."

I think Farrell took a few psychology courses in school, which is probably the reason for his tinge of "helping-profession"-like way of thinking, and way of wording things.

-ax

"Perception is more important than reality."
--spoken by anonymous relativist psychologist dipstick, when accepting "Loser of the Year" award

"But in a way it's true.."

"In a way" is only "in a way"

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Ax,

That is a really insightful comment about Farrell.

I have read all his books, and though I appreciate how he writes and his efforts to critique feminist dogma -- somehow he never goes far enough.

I think he is like a male version of Wendy "i-feminist" McElroy. (Remember he was on the board of N.O.W. in New York as the celebrated mangina.)

I can appreciate how both write and argue --but I would never ask either of them to drive the getaway car when I rob a bank.

I'm just not that trusting.

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Although I agree he is still influenced by his N.O.W. days, what gets me is the touchy-feely nature of his outlook and/or language, as it affects his outlook on men's rights. To my mind, his way of thinking is what results in his not going far enough, not so much his politics. Nevertheless you're right, he may still have that little bit of Steinem in 'im.

-ax

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