Domestic Violence Delusions...a PBS documelodrama - Part 3 of 3

Part 3 of a 3-part essay, submitted by Harry Crouch. Click "Read more..." for the text. [Part 2 is found here.]

The author is a full time men's rights activist, co-proprietor of MENSBIZ, publisher of Women Industry News, member of the San Diego Domestic Violence Council, and Board Member of the National Coalition of Free Men Los Angeles.

At his request, if you e-mail him, please use "re KPBS Documelodrama" as the subject line.

(continued from href="http://www.mensactivism.org/article.pl?sid=04/12/30/1829254">part
2...)

Nonetheless, such abuses are devastating and often life-threatening forms of premeditated emotional abuse and otherwise clearly satisfy legal definitions of criminal domestic violence, child abuse, and elder abuse, as applicable.

Fortunately, for the abuse industry, family courts are not overly encumbered by minor inconveniences like due process, witness testimony, physical evidence, pushy public defenders, and bail hearings. Of course, many in attendance knew that, some even worked hard to make it that way.

Without question, when one considers the high incidence of paternity fraud, parental alienation, and false accusations, women violently and maliciously abuse men overwhelmingly more than men violently and maliciously abuse women, including traumatizing forced rape for good measure. I guess many at the screening knew that too, which is why the room got so quiet and the industry shuffled such abuse over to family court, where it could be better hidden and manipulated, primarily in favor of violent women; again, in the best interests of children of course.

Now, I may have been remiss, since it appeared the entire documelodrama was not shown. So, let me apologize now to whomever I offended if it turns out the rest of the production shows violent and abusive women, lesbians even; and, abused men, like gays. Alas, I must confess, I still suspect there is nothing included about women abusing heterosexual men or transgenders abusing whomever transgenders abuse. Diversity is one of the best exclusive inclusiveness schemes ever conjured up.

In my view, the "Diversity Movement" mirrors a reverse hate group grope, like the KKK. Instead of hooded white guys, the Diversity Movement seems tightly controlled largely by pampered rich to upper middle class white women once uniformed in tie-dye cotton smocks with sandals, flapping around hand painted "Men are SCUM" signs; now turned contemporary custom English men's business suits, Gucci pumps, thinking about flapping around "Men are SCUM" signs printed at Kinko's. So showing women beating men in this documelodrama was surely considered counterproductive, even if men are abused regularly simply by omission? Talking about abused men, particularly heterosexual men, is apparently tantamount to sharing the location of the next cross burning with the FBI. Maybe these lateral thinking, connected way of knowing, Gender Feminist, documelodrama producers ought to come out of the closet and join the rest of us non-haters, if for no other reason than diversity. We can work on truth, understanding, and tolerance later.

I was anxious to leave and I suspect many others were equally, if not more, anxious for me to go, even though I was well behaved. As soon as all the mucky-muck thanking was over, I headed for the door shaking hands on the way. I forgot to mention that between the pot-stickers and first speaker, most of the brochures that I had earlier conspicuously placed on the table by the door disappeared and I had to go back to the parking garage, open my trunk, and drag some more back to the festivities. Leaving through the entry, I noticed a few second trip brochures still on the table; I strained my neck backwards looking at them, jeopardized my balance, stumbled over my own feet, and bumped into the gay guy.

"Whoops, Sorry, I appreciate very much you sharing your story with us," I stammered quickly while regaining my balance and trying not to sound glib, since he deserved the compliment.

He was a bit nervous. Apparently, this was the largest group to which he had shared his soul, "Thanks, I appreciate you telling me."

Now that we had appreciated each other with proper humanist protocol, I offered, "Yeah, they always parade out a gay guy, never a heterosexual. Go figure... I'm a men's rights activist, did you get any of our brochures?"

Somewhat chagrined, he said, "No, I..."

I cut him off, put my arm around his shoulder, turned him around, and gave marching orders, "Come on obligatory gay guy, I've got some good brochures about gay victims of domestic violence in here. Let me show you..." and off we went.

We talked some more after I rescued copies of the brochures that I drug in, including the one about abused gay guys, and encouraged him to give me a call if he needed someone to talk with or whatever, but I don't date. As far as I could see, no one else brought literature to help gays or lesbians, amazing, if true.

Then I butted into a conversation between Dr. Alexander and friend David Bruer, the other men's rights advocate there. David operates the Fathers Resource Center in Encinitas, CA.

After some discussion, Dr. Alexander asked me if I had any solutions in mind. That threw me. In the last three years as an equity advocate, there were only two times I can remember when anyone in the San Diego abuse industry asked me about solutions. Those opportunities came from Linda Wong-Kerbert of the County Office of Crime Prevention and members of the non-denominational SAFE Place Faith Communities committee designing and implementing a broad based information, education, and referral program for area congregations. I was totally unprepared for Alexander's question.

I started babbling incoherently and could not understand myself or shut up. Must be the better living through chemicals approach I adopted. No matter, I spit out in no particular order rough ideas about getting various abuse industries to talk with each other, better assessment, mostly health problem not criminal, long-term support systems, prosecuting false accusers, meaningful programs for abused men, and trashing the bad man, patriarchal, ideological garbage. I referred him to Linda Mill's book, Insult to Injury: Rethinking our Responses to Intimate Abuse, and gave him a copy of Domestic Violence: The 12 Things You Aren't Supposed to Know, by Thomas James. We exchanged cards and I followed him out blah, blah, blah as we went. I would have driven me crazy. I have to get over those short periods of uncontrollable excitement when someone in the abuse industry shows interest in what I might know or have to say.

From beginning to end, the later of which we are approaching here, I judiciously gave away five copies of the Thomas James book, including one to the 95% young woman from the Waite Family Foundation. In handing it to her I said, "Here, I'd like you to have this. If you read it, you will find that men perpetrate nowhere near 95% of domestic violence." They never have.

Maybe anyone who reads this should send a letter to their local PBS station denouncing the documelodrama, particularly NPR and PBS contributors. Several have done so in San Diego along with a comment that their donations will no longer be forthcoming.

Harry Crouch

NOTE: I took great liberty with dialog since I can never remember who says what to whom, and for brevity.

End of essay

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