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Yea, really. If anyoe needs to change their ways, the "modern" woman should really change their way of thinking; that their husbands should change according to their desires.
I think many women who demands change from her husband is questioning his identity and would the man approach her and do the same they would really get pissed off. Please, donīt try to change other people, if you didnīt like them before you got together you only have yourself to blame for going on with the relationship in the first place.
I donīt think change is something bad, but it has to come from the person that is supposed to change, not from someone else. If you are married to a man and expects to change him into your "dream man", you are really deluded.
My girlfriend have tried to change me into her "knight in shining armour" and Iīv have a hard time explaining to her why that is not an option for me. This is something I shouldnīt have to do. Some women these days have been told that they have to change society and they donīt realice that change is something that they themselves must be in the center of. You canīt change anyone but yourself.
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Of course; women have been telling us that we need to change and that we're not listening, despite the fact that we've long since internalized and accepted the notion of gender equality. This internalized acceptance will never be acknowledged or appreciated, apparently.
Accordining to mainstream feminist doctrinal drivel, women have come a long way, and men, who don't listen, now need to change according to feminist approved specifications because whatever masculinity is, it's pathological. The need to change is always set to the present moment, and the precise requirements are never specified.
I'm getting tired of reading the same monotonous, insufficiently high IQ drivel [pardon my elitism--or don't pardon it, I dont care: I'm constitutionally incapable of sustaining an interest anything so low level] and adding to it with my own men's activist whinings.
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by Anonymous User on Friday December 28, @10:18PM EST (#8)
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What needs to be assumed by both husband and wife is that the other WILL change, regardless of how much they want to resist it. Inherent in that presumption is the need to adapt to that change in a positive manner. Fail to adapt and the probability that your marriage will fail increases sharply.
Frank H
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I'm talking through my hat: I'm not married. Part of the reason is my belief in the inalienable right not to be nagged; husbands tell me there is no such right.
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Frank H. You're exactly right. Both people will change over time. Thats a big part of it. They may not change in ways that you like.
Still if both want to be together, to work harmoniously as a couple, there must be compromise. I thought the article was a one-side in that too, but I didn't read it as saying only one side has to compromise. It was simply pointing out the warning signs. You could apply the same warning signs to either side.
And I don't think it is necessarily true that women are the relationship maintainers. Whoever wants to stay married the most is usually the primary relationship maintainer I would say. Sometimes that is both people, sometimes one or the other.
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Husbands better change or they will keep losing.
Women are probably better suited by nature to the game of interpersonal manipulation and men have a more obvious vulnerability.
Unless husbands learn to play the game all they can do is hide behind emotional walls and retreat further when they come tumbling down; either that or surrender completely to the role of "she who must be obeyed"'s hapless servant (like my father).
Expecting women to stop trying to control men is unreasonable. Would you expect asking your dog to stop licking its balls to be effective?
sd
Those who like this sort of thing
will find this the sort of thing they like.
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by Anonymous User on Friday December 28, @05:27PM EST (#3)
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Boys: gather round the computer. Let me tell you a bed time story based on a TV sitcom named "Married...with children". It shows why you can avoid divorce by not marrying the wrong woman.
Once upon a time, there was a young boy. This boy had hope. He
was single, thus he was happy.
Then one night, a night much like tonight, he heard something behind him. "thump...thump...thump.... He walked faster. THUMP...THUMP...THUMP...THUMP" He turned around and saw it! It rose from the swamp.
He saw it by the light of a bar: the evil, big haired, high heeled, spandex monster!
He ran from it. He stood it up. He
dated others. But nothing could stop it.
He heard its wild call: "Honey! Oh, Hoooneeeeey!". It was horrible! It traped him, opened it's mouth, bared it's fangs and said
"Maarrrry Meeeee!".
You may be wondering if he married it. Yes, I'm afraid he did.
And he was never heard from again. But the worst
of it is, there's still some of them out there. There might be one
BEHIND YOU NOW! Then again, there
might not be. But beware; wherever a man is free and has change in his
pockets, they'll come a-creeping and they can't be stopped.
Let that be a lesson. Avoid divorce by not marrying the wrong woman.
And watch "Married...with children".
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Okay, a little turnabout is always fair play....here's a paragraph from the article changing the genders and a few details to bring you the masculist side of couples counseling:
If you're a woman reading this and your husband has been complaining or nagging you about not having enough sex, thank him. It means he still cares about you and your marriage. He's working hard to make your love stronger. Have lots of sex. Spend time with him. Seduce him. Compliment him. Cook for him. Pay attention. Take him seriously. Show him that he's the most important thing in the world to you.
Yeah, baby, yeah. That would reallllly work!
All kidding aside I can't tell you the number of men and women I have seen in couples therapy who describe previous therapists who focus solely on the man needing to change. I am not making this up! It's hard to believe but it is sad and true. The men feel blamed and at fault and the women feel affirmed and justified. Go figure. Be careful who you pick to see for couples work.
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If you're interested in saving your marriage, avoiding divorce, you'll make an effort to change and compromise. If you're not interested in your marriage, you won't make an effort to change or compromise. That goes for both partners.
The above assumes there is still love between you. If not, you can't make someone love you and you can't expect them to love you if they just don't, in which case making "changes" won't save the marriage ..... unless both agree to live in a loveless marriage under a certain set of conditions. I'll pass on that one myself.
I wonder, are the same people who call for making divorce more difficult to obtain the same ones who say they shouldn't be asked to change to save a faltering marriage?
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The man ultimately changes into a wallet anyway.
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