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by Anonymous User on Friday November 02, @12:52PM EST (#1)
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Although this article does not specifically apply to my particular situation as a child of divorce, it did touch a nerve with me. I starkly recall the horrifying helplessness I felt when I was a kid. The legal system didn't give a rat's ass about me, or what happened to me, or how I felt. I had no rights, and I was not permitted to have feelings. My opinion was never solicited, nor was it taken into consideration when I voiced it on my own. I was told in no uncertain terms that I did not matter, and to shut the [expletive] up or I'd be punished even worse for my audacity. I was completely at the mercy of a bunch of adults who had *their own* best interests in mind.
The only two adults who did care about what happened to me, my grandparents, faced their own terrorization by my parents and the system that protected them. They lived in daily fear that one of my parents would come claim me, then pull an Andrea Yates. I'm not exaggerating. My parents were both substance abusers with severe mental problems, so this was a real and valid fear on the part of my grandparents.
Yes, things have changed since I was a kid, but for the worse. A hysteria has developed due to several well-publicized cases where CPS *didn't* remove a child from a suspect home, and the child ended up being murdered. The horrible part is, it seems like the kids who *really* do need to be taken out of abusive situations aren't, while kids who aren't being abused are forcefully whisked away. The truly criminal (like my parents) get off scot-free while the innocent are prosecuted in their stead.
Thanks for writing this article.
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Thanks for the kind words!
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When I read articles like this I sometimes get the feeling that some of the people in the agencies involved do what they do because they like the drama of it. They like the feelings of importance and righteousness that accompany 'saving' children, even if the children aren't being saved from anything. Perhaps serious child abuse is sufficiently rare that some of these people would never get to be part of such a drama if they didn't find a way to create it themselves. It's like the psychiatric disorder Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy, in which case the lunatics really have taken over the asylum. Just my observation.
***
For a brief description of Munchausen's Syndrome, check out http://www.bodytalkmagazine.com/muchausens.htm
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Reading this article make me realize how fortunate I was in my parents divorce.
I had many friends whos parents went through messy and adversarial divorces. At 30, one of my oldest friends is still sufferring from his parent's 15 year on going separation and divorce.
My parents had their share of problems, but I truly feel that they put my needs above their own. I would have preffered to live with my dad, and I know he would have loved that, but we all new that my mom could provide a better home. In all, both kept my feeling and needs at the top and never hindered me in seeing the other.
Still, I wish they had been able to work things out, but everything has turned out fine. Both my parents remarried, and my son has 3 wonderful grandmothers and grandfathers that all love him dearly.
Again, this article make me think of sad it that adults can't be more 'adult' when it comes to divorce and the needs of their children.
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