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Reading this article, I almost felt as if Mr. Haltzman were being "set up", as it were, to have his views belittled on paper by an interviewer who obviously brought a pre-existing bias to the material - a bias which she seemed hardly willing to sway from. Not surprisingly, she seems to conclude that he is the one with the bias.
She takes issue with his assertion that women have more power in relationships, because she believes that men have more power. She then goes on to theorize that men are so accustomed to "getting our way" that only the rare occasions on which we have to compromise stand out in our minds, thus we perceive ourselves as victims; little does she seem to know that she could just as easily be suffering from the same denial about her own power, as a woman.
I was particularly chaffed by her little aside that the men she knows "don't know when to shut up." If a man said the same about women, he would be suspected of implying that women are too stupid to talk as much as they do. Perhaps she was implying the same about men?
Unfortunately, I have a feeling that most people are going to read this article and attribute more credence to Ms. Freyer's dissenting side notes - based on the conviction that, as a woman, she knows men better than men know ourselves.
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In the article the author quotes Dr Haltzman: "One of the secrets is the attitude that goes along with it," Haltzman says. " 'I'm saying OK because it will make her happy and making her happy is a gift I can give.' "
That's not being a milquetoast, he says: That's being a kind of hero. (end quote)
Sorry I don't buy that one. A person either has the capacity to be happy, or they don't. That isn't something a husband or boyfriend can do for them.
As a general rule it is best that men stay away from women who seek relationship to be "made happy" or to "be taken care of."
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by Anonymous User on Wednesday October 03, @12:58PM EST (#3)
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Conversely, men should not expect their relationships with women to make them happy, or their spouse/gf to "take care of them." Happiness is something that must come from within yourself. You cannot obtain it from another person. You also cannot depend on another person to "take care of [you]."
Unfortunately, both men and women are STILL taught that happiness is obtained from landing a significant other/spouse, and that this person will take care of all your needs forever. This is blatantly false, and IMHO, the source of many a miserable relationship.
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