The Surrendered Wife

	posted by Scott on Wednesday February 21, @02:14PM from the feature-submission dept.
	I received a short commentary from Bill Kuhl about the recent book and "movement", The Surrendered Wife. In short, the theory encourages women to submit to their husbands and let him be in charge. But is this really good for men or women? Read on for Bill's thoughts...

	The CBS Evening News on February 19 carried a segment on a new book entitled, "The Surrendered Wife." The book's author, Laura Doyle, states that women should, generally, give in to their husbands and stop trying to control them with criticism and constant nagging. Her book even argues that women should turn over control of the family's finances to their husbands. Although this sounds like it would be a very unpopular idea with most modern women, the book has actually sold very well - it landed on the New York Times Best Sellers' list the first week it was in bookstores. The CBS segment also featured a group of Dallas women who had formed a "Surrendered Circle Support Group," women who meet to discuss ways of "implementing the controversial ideas" from the book in to their lives. However, the lighthearted tone of these women, and of the author herself, leads me to believe that this book is, indeed, no epiphany - women as a result of "The Surrendered Wife" will not come to realize the excesses of feminism or the many forms of discrimination against men. In fact, the book's author admits, "I'm not looking for any converts of any kind. I'm just saying this is what worked for me." I would speculate that many of Doyle's most ardent fans are actually upper middle class white women (all the women in the CBS report appeared to be) whose biggest nag is a little voice in the backs of their minds, repeating: "You know, if you keep coming down on him left and right, he's going to demand equality too and then you're going to be the one getting out of bed at 3AM to go check out the strange noise out back." I think you'll be likely to find this book on a lot more living room coffee tables than scholars' desks. Actually, the whole idea seems like nothing more than a new way to make money off of the battle between the sexes. Ho-hum. Bill Kuhl

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Some relief... or just another tactic? (Score:1) by BusterB on Friday February 23, @03:05PM EST (#1) (User #94 Info) http://themenscenter.com/busterb/ First off, I have to admit that I haven't read the book and I didn't catch the TV spot. So, I'm just commenting on the concept. On the one hand, some welcome relief. Who wants to live with a "macha" woman who keeps pecking at them, constantly reaming them out for all of the things they didn't do right, or didn't do? No thanks. Do I want a "submissive" wife? Not really, but it would be an improvement over a nagging bitch. Even better still would be a woman who was mature enough to understand that if she leaves decisions up to me then she can't expect me to always decide what she would want, and she can't expect my decisions to always be right. As well, my "wonder woman" would understand that when she made decisions, if they went sour she couldn't in all conscience turn back to me and twist the past around so that it was all my fault. So much for fantasy. In reality women are quite the opposite. So, when I think about this "Surrendered Wife" concept and I wonder if it isn't just another way to duck any kind of accountability. In a complex world, do I really want a woman who would turn to me one day and say, "OK... you make all the decisions." That's a lot of pressure. I suppose I could handle it if she said, "OK.. you make all the decisions, and I'll back you 100%." Then I suppose I could go out into the vicious, unfriendly world and forge a path, like the heroes of old. It would probably take a few years off my life in terms of stress and worry (and therein, perhaps, lies the impetus behind this whole movement), but I could do it. The question is, does the "Surrendered Wife" give her husband all of the responsibility (and all of the "power", for whatever that's worth) and also back his decisions? Or does she just give him the responsibility, and then say, "I'll back you as much as I feel like it." If it's the latter, then the only difference I see between this new "Surrendered Wife" and the feminist bitch is tactics, not substance. P.S.: IMHO, the reason men are now dying seven years earlier than women (on average), is exactly what I outlined here: women have done their level best to take the big decisions out of the hands of men while at the same time making damned sure that their men still suffer most of the stress and worry. Is this new movement an attempt at redress, or an attempt at window dressing?

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