"A man's top 5 reasons to grow up and get married"

Article here. Excerpt:

'4. You won’t be such a pathetic sloth – Married people are more productive. Married men in particular, have higher employment rates, work longer hours and receive better wages. It’s time to stop wading through puddles of your own filth as you reach for the hotpockets and have a dame whip you into shape. You’re welcome.'

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Note the author is a comedian but alas...

... he wasn't *trying* to be funny. But nonetheless, this article made me laugh. :)