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by Anonymous User on Thursday January 31, @03:41PM EST (#1)
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Blaming men once more.
No matter what the circumsatances, men are blamed.
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What I find interesting is that the restaurant owner in the article seems to contribute her lack of response from men to some sort of masculine insecurity...as though men are ashamed to admit to being single.
There are any number of ways to interpret the response, though. Perhaps hers is just a corny idea, and not the sort of thing most men would categorize under the heading of "good time". Perhaps it is women who are incapable of facing loneliness on V-Day, and men who are quite secure with their single status, which explains an outpouring of need "not to be alone" from women...to the point of signing up for a blind date with hundreds of total strangers in the desperate hope of finding love.
My theory is that men just aren't as in need of validation, for whatever reason one wants to argue, and not particularly inclined to go for an event like she describes. In my most desperate hour I never envisioned meeting "the one" in such a way. Call me hard-hearted...
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by Anonymous User on Thursday January 31, @05:13PM EST (#6)
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Absolutely right Nazgul. Should 500 men have signed up with only a few women interested, I think it is fair to say the spin would have been different. I'm pretty sure it would have been portrayed as desperate/sad men being shunned by independent women who no longer need a man in their lives.
In fact, UK TV would probably run a jokey feature on the News which would finish up with a knowing look and "amusing" comment from a smug female newscaster. Sigh
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by Anonymous User on Friday February 01, @11:55AM EST (#15)
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I actually found this article to be very encouraging. I feel bad for anyone who is genuinely looking for love or companionship and is having trouble finding it, male or female. What pleases me is that this article is another piece of evidence in a trend that I have seen developing lately. Men are finally saying "enough is enough" to doing things just to please women. Women have already - by and large - put their foot down to doing things to please men...after all, they are all "independent women." Valentine's day is truly a woman's holiday. Though many women like to pretend that men enjoy wooing them as much as women enjoy beeing wooed (word?), the honest truth is that men DON'T. Once a man is truly in love with a woman who loves and respects him, he usually will do anything possible to show his gratitude. But otherwise,...no.
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Valentines day is a women's holiday. The social emphasis is on women and how men should do something to show how much we love and respect them. As a result it does not shock me men would not want to participate in something where they just see the end result being the expectation of them bringing flowers, paying for a dinner, etc. (I personally dislike the whole idea that one day should be the day I show someone how much I love them. Although I usually bow to the social pressure to do "something".)
Tony H
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Mates are nice to have, but having a mate is not necessary to sustain life. If you are stranded alone on an island and do not have food, water, air and protection from the elements, you will die. If you procure all those things, you will not die despite the fact you do not have a mate.
I am happily partnered, but if I were not my singleness would not cause me to turn blue and croak. It's a shame so many women apparently think this way. I refuse to believe it's biological. It is social. That is why I hate the fish and water analogy. It encourages utter desperation, the willingness to do anything to land a mate, any mate.
I have said before that one can get love from a dog, and a dog does not require one to work 60 to 80 hours a week to provide the animal with food, shelter and medical care. Then maybe while walking the dog you'll meet someone who also won't demand that you work 60 to 80 hours a week to support them.
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ACTUALLY, the facts are humans do need mates. By that I man social interaction with others. There have been many studies that show people who have strong social relationships (marriage included) live longer and healthier lives than those who do not. Babies will die soon (a few weeks) after birth if they are not held and touched by people. The amount of research that shows that we are social animals is actually amazing. Does this mean we MUST marry, NO. But if anyone thinks we do not need social interaction to survive and live a healthy life they are wrong.
As far as a mate is conserned, reproduction is a very strong biological urge combine that with the need for close social relationships and the result resembles "marriage." (I do disagree with the romatizized americanize christianized form of it though.)
Tony H
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The pop psychologists told women they don't need men, and so many women possess a kind of tedious in-your-face independence about relationships. My view, however, is that if they're so independent, then it's no one else's business; certainly not mine, and it certainly doesn't belong in anyone's face.
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Naw this is nothing but a natural consequence of having State laws that criminalize every imperfect male attribute.
Men are not stupid, and they know that the risks of having a domestic partner have become nearly unjustifiable. We now have State laws that criminalize men simply because a woman alleges emotional abuse. With this fact is it really reasonable to take the risk of forming a relationship?
I will never forget some of the crazy women that I met while dating. Now the stakes are even higher. One false allegation and I would loose my home, career, and reputation for life while the female has everything to gain.
No thanks. Valentines day is no longer for men until the laws become more rational and allow for normal male imperfections.
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It surprised me, too, that 500 women showed up and only 2 guys.
If I were a guy, I'd probably stay away from such an occasion b/c I don't know what kind of woman I'd get nowadays!
"Female men's activist" is not an oxymoron.
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I thought the restruant owner's comments were over the top. She seemed to be "spinning" the situation probably to save face and not make the women out to be desperate.
Even so, I found the lack of interest from men to be interesting. Seems men are busy doing other things or have made other plans? Or maybe they're not as interested in the opposite sex as they were when they were younger.
Also the article didn't say which age group was targeted in the advertising. If it was 35+ women, I think they have a harder time finding partners.
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"If it was 35+ women, I think they have a harder time finding partners."
Are you kidding?! Women don't fully blossom till thier that age.
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Adam___ As a "mid 30's" year old women how can I not agree with you?!!!! However, I still believe most single men are looking in the younger age brackets. Our culture really is a culture which glorifies extreme youth.
I'm biased but I think men are missing a huge untapped reservoir of wonderful women in my age bracket and older.
I have noticed in recent years a trend in mags, even men's mags to feature "older women". Typically they are around 28 and 29 years old, which is a change from feature after feature after feature of 18-24 year olds. So, perhaps the recognition of "older" women (geez, I don't think I'm old, I'm in my prime) is becoming more commonplace.
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I'm biased but I think men are missing a huge untapped reservoir of wonderful women in my age bracket and older.
Personally, I've always dated women my age or a few years older. My last g/f is 4 years my senior. I also find myself consistently attracted to women who are between 1-4 years my senior (even when I at first don't know their ages).
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by Anonymous User on Friday February 01, @12:59AM EST (#12)
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Roses are red,
violets are blue.
500 cows
and not a cud to chew.
They won't cook.
They won't clean.
They got old, fat
and they got mean.
Rose are red.
Violets are blue.
Go blind if you see one naked.
Scrape them off your shoe.
The Madcap Misogynist
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In the absense of any hard data on why this should be, all we can do is speculate wildly ;) Exactly. Men may be fed up, but I doubt they are to this extent, and many might still go to an event in the hope of just getting laid. It may have been set up in a way that simply didn't entice men. Who knows?
"If it was 35+ women, I think they have a harder time finding partners."
Are you kidding?! Women don't fully blossom till thier that age. Truer words than this have never been spoken. For true beauty, a healthy woman between about 40 and 55 blows away any 22 year old. It's my taste, of course, but I heartily recommend to any man who doesn't see this to take another serious look.
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RE: Valentine singles night cancelled due to lack of interest from men
"We're a bit disappointed because we thought we'd get so many more guys than girls - after all, they'd have a room full of single women. But I think maybe men take themselves too seriously these days."
It is risk assessment I think.
The family courts have created a very severe new reality for men.
Divorced fathers, for example, just don't have enough money left anymore to take on any additional responsibilities. Also, by the time men are through with the family courts, they probably won't be all that interested in getting involved in frivolous (light if you prefer) relationships with female strangers. I, for example, couldn't even "consider" dating for three years after my separation and family court divorce experience. When I did finally start dating again, it was exclusively with older or infertile women, that I had come to know over a period of time (weeks), before considering an actual date.
My male friends and acquaintances who are aware of what I went through, as well as other men that I come to meet over time are just not interested in getting involved in relationships that could lead to such devastation as I and others like me have had to endure after contact with the family courts.
Please don't call us, we'll have our respective attorneys call you.
We will need the following information before making a decision regarding non business related verbal exchanges (formerly known as casual conversation). A list of non-gendered impersonal topics the parties will agree to limit their discussion to; said discussion will occur "without prejudice" and only within those limits at the first meeting, said meeting will be chaperoned.
Should the parties encounter positive emotions and find their respective interests aroused about each other the woman before initiating a second meeting, must provide a letter of intention at least 10 days in advance. The male's attorney will respond on the male's behalf within 30 days of receiving the letter of intention. In the event that a second meeting is agreed to then both parties will agree within 10 days of the scheduled meeting to an agenda for the meeting as well as finalizing the time and place for the second meeting. The second meeting will be chaperoned and the non-gendered list of agreed topics adhered to again taking place "without prejudice".
Either party is at liberty and complete free to not attend the meeting without prior notice or explanation and with no implied penalties or encumbrances resulting from exercising the option not to attend. Should the female decide to initiate subsequent meetings the rules of the second meeting will apply until the conditions are met.
1) character references,
2) medical certifications of physical and mental good health,
3) notarized copies of family medical history
4) notarized copies of educational background,
5) proof of age
6) income tax filings for the previous five years
7) a large and secure deposit in trust for advance child support funds,
8) a large and secure deposit in trust for mortgage approval,
9) a medical guarantee that pregnancy cannot occur prior to consent of both parties attorneys,
10) all non-chaperoned meetings will be video tapped for protection against false accusations for the first 8 months of any intimate arrangements between the parties.
11) the video tapping will cease only with the consent of an authorized clinical practitioner and agreement by both parties independent legal counsel.
12) Single mothers must ensure that their daughters remain at a constant minimum distance of at least 10 feet from us at all times
13) Single mothers must instruct their daughters to approach us only with signed consent, and at least 24 hours advance notice only after the consent of both parties attorneys and approval of the child's physician.
14) all encounters with the woman's children will be conducted in the presence of a court appointed disinterested third party of at least 25 years of age without in the mother's absence.
15) other conditions may apply as deemed appropriate by the parties' attorneys advice.
Yes we now regard women very seriously; they have become a genuine liability, a powerful legal superior, and a potentially dangerous, even life threatening adversary.
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500 single women and only 2 men showed interest? That doesn't seem quite right. While I agree that a lot of men aren't as interested in relationships as they used to be that doesn't seem enough to explain the huge discrepancy. Here's my guess (since we don't know the real reason) as to how this lopsidedness may have come to be.
The advertisements were women oriented. Perhaps they made men look stupid, or put them on thier knees before women as "romance". Either way, it's unlikely the men would have clicked the pop-up ad with the hearts on a lavender background even if they had ever gone to oxygen.com to see it.
The women who had seen it and planned to go didn't tell any men and let men who may have overheard them talk about it know they were not invited. How many of those 500 women invited their single male friends? In the case of the 10 nurses, did they tell any men who heard them talking about it at work that it was a "girl thing"?
So for the most part men didn't know about it, but the few who did wouldn't have gone anyway or were made uncomfortable about the idea of going.
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The advertisements were women oriented. Perhaps they made men look stupid, or put them on thier knees before women as "romance".
This would be my guess as well, hombre, ESPECIALLY considering the restaurant owner's inane "men are taking themselves too seriously" remark. That's usually the line misandrist advertisers hand out when one complains about a man being kicked in the balls in an ad.
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Actually, the statement "men are taking themselves too seriously" makes me suspect that the add made fools of men. Men objected, to being depicted as fools, by not signing up for the event, and the restaurant owner decided that they were taking themselves too seriously.
Just conjecture, of course.
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by Anonymous User on Saturday February 02, @02:53PM EST (#23)
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I found this story very interesting to. The vast majority of men are not aware of men's issues and I doubt that the threatening laws would deter them from pursuing women and thus from coming to the event.
I suspect that, as another poster said, few men were aware of the event to start out with or it was framed in a way that they found offensive.
Regardless, if they had publicly kept a running count of the number of women signed up and the number of men; I suspect that many single men would have jumped at the opportunity to be surrounded by single, presumably available women where there's a 5-1 (or even 2-1) ratio of women to men and where the women have at least a peripheral interest in meeting men.
If I were available, I'd love to have that kind of attention.
Regarding the age of the women
Personally, I prefer women who are my own age or older and I would hope that single women become more realistic about their expectations as they age and as their romantic market value decreases. I don't have too much respect for young 20-somethings who can meet good men with little effort, especially those who were part of the decreasing population trend in the US (more males who are 3 years older than women three years yonger creates a huge oversupply of available males since women tend to date only older men).
One big issue that no one has mentioned is children--older women are more likely to have children and many men find that to be a huge turn off, which could well explain why they are more interested in younger women.
[Arguably, at least in my mind, thirty and forty-something women without children should be hot commodities. It would be interesting to see how well they fair in the market for romance.]
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