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I submit the following "Without prejudice"
I cannot prove the following allegations.
In my case, I alleged:
1) she threatened to kill the children and herself if I said anything.
2) she threatened to kill me in my sleep
3) she would sabotage many aspects of my daily life -
3.1) consistently giving me false answers to simple questions about money use, bank balances, phone calls, and time of day.
3.2) disturb my sleep with emotionally laden activities such as temper tantrums, complaints, physical assaults.
4) pepper conversations with hostile gestures, remarks and overt threats.
5) attribute the source of many conflicts to my medical condition to evade solutions to conflict that interfered with her personal interests or personal gain.
6) degrade me in front of the children.
7) berate me in front of the children.
All of the above committed for the sole purpose of garnering compliance and maintaining control. My aversion to the above left me at a disadvantage.
She was committed (certified) to psychiatric care twice for psychotic episodes, which I maintain were contrived to avoid or escape immigration and or criminal proceedings (she was successful and avoided and escaped those proceedings). I maintain that she is psychopathic to a large degree (she would IMHO score high on the "Psychopathy Check List").
None the less, people thought I was nuts. For several months anyway until it was too late. IMHO the representatives of the system had dug themselves in so deep in the wrong direction that reputations and careers would have been at risk to change their allegations. Eventually the courts demanded that the protracted family court proceedings be terminated in the best interests of all. In subsequent months phone calls by these representatives to me began to take place only "off the record".
As long as the courts continue to accept women's allegations prima facie the violence against men will escalate. The need for burden of proof has never been greater.
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I have become legally (emotionally) disabled. I have nightmares and flash-backs. I need medication to sleep and mild stimulants just to function. I have short term memory loss and get confused when performing many trivial tasks. I wander off topic (so my apologies in advance and belatedly) when both speaking and writing. My father was a professional writer so my abilities in this respect are diminished although innate and ingrained. None-the-less, I have lost my trust in people and lost faith in the system. I no longer associate with children or adolescents and still grieve the loss of association with my two children. I have gone bankrupt and lost my job.
My faith in God and the quality of modern pharmacology have been the only things that have kept me from terminating my life.
The violence against men by women is quite real, quite tangible, sophisticated and sanctioned by omission in current law.
I am also (metaphorically) a modern day witch alleged of witchcraft - a victim of unfounded allegations of child sexual abuse.
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My faith in God and the quality of modern pharmacology have been the only things that have kept me from terminating my life.
I'm really sorry all that happened to you.
Stay the course, Donald. I can't know exactly what you're feeling, but I know the feelings which lead one to the brink of one's own destruction.
Stay the course. And take care of yourself.
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I know the feelings which lead one to the brink of one's own destruction.
So do I.
Also keep in mind: Another thing that can help us immensely is working on our physical well being. Best of luck, Donald. And stick with this site. We have to, and we WILL, work together. And remember, there are many wonderful women who care for us.
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Donald - Many thanks for your courage to speak out. So many people have no idea of how or why a man could feel abused in a relationship. The current cultural psychosis is that men have all the power. BS. Your detailed descriptions leave no room for doubt about how you suffered and how a woman can indeed torture a man in relationship. Thank you. Your writing has power and has honored your father. Keep writing. Maybe an article for Scott or another men's site.
Blessings
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My article on male victims of domestic violence was published in the London Free Press today. One man who called me was nearly in tears thanking me for "finally noticing that men are hurt."
When large and strong men are reduced to tears over an issue I'd say that the issue NEEDS to be fully explored!
Greg
the Volksgaren Project: Intelligent Abuse Recovery, http://clix.to/support/, jaxom@amtelecom.net, 519-773-9644
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Greg, do you have a link? How can we obtain a copy of your article?
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The Free Press put only their own editorials online. Oh well, here it is:
Reason, Fairness and Justice: Or no more harm to children.
No reasonable person doubts that violence against women is an important topic and worthy of our serious consideration. Where there are serious doubts is in women’s violence against the men and children in their lives. All Canadian governments take the position that this form of violence must be ignored within social activism for the greater need of women. This in spite of the well-known fact that the most under reported form of family violence is husband battery. Whether you, like me, subscribe to the US one in three view of men’s victimization within family violence or to some other viewpoint, there can longer be any doubt that the 3% figure promoted by women’s groups is grossly low.
For the last two years the federal Ministry of Health’s statistical report of family violence in Canada has included women’s violence. This year’s report comments on the damage done to children by family violence. Children harmed by the husband’s violence receive help in the form counseling and pamphlets. The Ontario government and the federal government have programs to help these children. The equally large groups of children harmed by their mother’s violence receive hatred of their father and nothing else. Why the difference? Why is one group of children worthy of our concern and the other worthy of our hate?
The answer to my own questions is in the extreme sexism which rules all considerations attached to family violence. All Canadian governments demand aid for women and allow hatred of men. All Canadian governments demand that there be no change to their policy in this regard. Saving children’s lives in the eyes of all Canadian governments is far less important than promoting their sexist view of family and gender-based violence. That is without doubt an extremely harsh way of wording the problem. Yet, I strongly believe that it is far past time for all people to give up on being nice and demand the governments stop their pograms. Yes, pograms! Planned sexism, instead of racism, with the express purpose of causing harm to an identifiable group; in this case men and children.
Canada is not a society given to promoting violence against women. We go far out of our way, as we should, to help any female victim of her husband’s violence. We go so far out of our way that we allow innocent children to be harmed in the effort to help women. We go far too far out of our way and it is time for change.
The battered men and their children have not asked for the expensive shelters and services the women demand. They do rightly demand inclusion in public discussion, press releases and non-shelter-based services. The battered men want and should have booklets from Health Canada telling them how to avoid the problems with their violent wife. The battered men want access to non-sexist therapy from for-fee therapists, something which is simply not available. The children of battered men also deserve the information and counseling which is currently offered only and exclusively to the children of battered women. The cost of providing for the battered men and their children in this country is about that of three women’s shelters: The men ask for about half a percent of what the women get and are told they hate women for daring to ask! This is repugnant, repulsive and deeply shocking. The situation within Family Violence is so profoundly un-Canadian that all should hang their heads in deep sorrow and pray forgiveness from whatever deity we find attractive.
We Canadians speak often of inclusion. We say we are an inclusive society. For most considerations this is true. However, when it comes to fairness within family violence, we will brook no inclusion. Instead we allow harm to innocents because we will not allow ourselves to see a non-sexist view of violence within the family. It is past time to change. It is time to grow up and demand from our governments what we say is our strength: Our fairness, justice, human rights and inclusion of all.
The RCMP, who agree with me that battered men and their children are treated unfairly, in their last letter to me stated that battered men should use the Canadian Human Rights Commission to force governments into fairness. I agree with the Mounties in saying that this must be one part of the effort. I must however add to it that unless all Canadians are willing to force the governments to end hate based gender views, no amount of human rights activity will solve the problems. Children will die due to governments which see promotion of hate based gender viewpoints as more important than children’s lives.
the Volksgaren Project: Intelligent Abuse Recovery, http://clix.to/support/, jaxom@amtelecom.net, 519-773-9644
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