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The other problem with this article is that both Dear Abby and the therapist assume there's somewhere for the guy to go for help! Where might that be, pray tell? H'm...
T_____
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Well don't you know? Men don't need the services of a shelter! Men are bottomless pits of money because of the wage gap, therefore men can afford to get away on their own!
"This is John Galt speaking." -Atlas Shrugged
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by Anonymous User on Thursday December 06, @05:25PM EST (#6)
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I have one problem with the idea of a shelter for men. Usually it is the man who makes more money, and usually if there is property HE is the one who owns it, or who pays most of the mortgage on it. Why should HE be forced to leave? Would it not be better to make the laws so that the abuser is the one who is forced to leave?
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I have one problem with the idea of a shelter for men. Usually it is the man who makes more money, and usually if there is property HE is the one who owns it, or who pays most of the mortgage on it. Why should HE be forced to leave? Would it not be better to make the laws so that the abuser is the one who is forced to leave?
The problem with that is it's not the case. In fact, a recently debated law in Canada now states that if a women calls 911 on a man and accuses him of hitting her (whether he did or not), she automatically gets his property.
Men are not believed to be victims by law enforcement, and forcing a female perp to leave the residence doesn't help unless she's in jail. If she knows where he is, she can get at him again. If he goes to a shelter, he can get away from her until a more permanent solution develops... or he can simply begin his life anew there.
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by Anonymous User on Thursday December 06, @09:57AM EST (#3)
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I disagree with the whole premise. Violence does NOT inevitably escalate, else most of us wouldn't have survived our school years.
This mans wife had hit him before. There was a pattern-something to show there was a problem. Also, she hit him in a dangerous situation -- thus showing she is out of control. So I agree with the advice to leave.
However, where does this modern-day-witchdoctor-this psychotherapist -- get off pretending to understand the dynamics of human agression? Perhaps if there were such things as Asimov's Second Foundationers -- we would have a real science of psychology. Instead, we have a bunch of competing theories and methods --often several theories applied to the SAME method
This goes way beyond the gender wars. The whole redefinition of violence matched with the rad fems wholesale redefinition of rape ("date rape" being the prime example) risks criminalizing just about anybody, and brings the government into a private sphere it really hasn't been in before the last 25 years or so. This has mostly been a bad thing, not a good thing. And it is a prime reason that many marriages don't last.
I could go on, but here's my take in brief:
Minor incidents (SPECIFICALLY no hospital required) of physical or verbal violence should be handled within the family or relationship-- Provided they do not constititute a pattern. Most people know well enough when they are being abused. They don't need someone to tell them. And adults can use their own two feet to press charges or walk out when necessary.
Domestic Violence Shelters are a good thing: And should be open to both sexes.
Anger managment courses have some utility-- when they don't criminalize anger, nor trivialize the reasons people have for it. Acknowledging that their might be a problem that caused the anger often helps people communicate and find ways to solve problems without violence.
Be very sceptical of the so-called "helping professions" , esp the psychotherapuetical branch of psychology.
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Minor incidents (SPECIFICALLY no hospital required) of physical or verbal violence should be handled within the family or relationship-- Provided they do not constititute a pattern.
It was my opinion reading this piece that the psychologist simply saw the emerging pattern of the wife's violent behavior. Considering her actions as described in the man's original letter, I don't think she was overstating the escalation of violence. Indeed, violence can and does escalate. I would also guess that it's more prone to do so in familial situations, where the individuals are more comfortable exploding in front of one another, so comparing to to schoolyard fights really isn't, in my opinion, a good analogy.
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This is what I said to Dear Abby:
>>>>>>>>>>>
While your column about domestic violence by a woman brought out part of the correct
response, it still isn't finished yet, because it doesn't answer the question; "Where is
this man to go?"
Right now, the answer is, "There is no place for a man to go." Too many people presume
that because everything else is apparently equal, and services in other areas are
offered to both men and women, this should also apply to domestic violence victims. As
of this writing, there are perhaps two shelters in all of the United States that serve
male victims of domestic violence. Many others claim to serve men, but once you start
asking questions about their specific services for men you find their services are only
for male offenders, or they say, "We don't have that kind of service here." A man
approaching a shelter for help today will either be turned away or referred to a
homeless shelter, and unless he has friends or relatives willing to take him in, and
immediate legal guidance regarding his children's custody, he faces real homelessness
and the loss of his children besides. Worse, if he has made the mistake of calling the
police for help, he may find himself in jail, since many states now have police
procedures and even laws requiring the man in this situation be arrested, without regard
to the facts of the case.
One day there may be a place for a man to turn and find safety for himself and his
children, but today there is nowhere for a man to go.>>>>>>>>>
T_____
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